#now imagine if i had the confidence to talk about current interests bro. if i had that confidence i would become God :)

[elegyofthemoon]

MORE GUSH PASS FOR YOU BC YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING THEM SO MUCH AND I'VE BEEN ENJOYING READING THEM!!! 🎟️🎟️🎟️

also thank u for ur tags on the kylilah wedding fic i'm ;A; waAaAaAAAA meliora crying.png ilysm

TY I LOVE YOU and i love abusing these gush passes so much when i'm like "i need to write a whole essay right now to express my feelings or i will set myself on fire" so guess what you're about to get.

But anyhows~ of course!! ^7^ kylilah wedding fic was just so cute how could I resist reading all of it and commenting? the writing was just so beautiful and so perfect ;; v;;

I accidentally went off to Sophia about Birthright!Leo specifically and yes, sure, I haven't touched Fates in a while (last time I did I'm pretty sure it was for. March? OR FOR LEO'S BIRTHDAY ACTUALLY.), and I genuinely thought I forgot everything tbh because of fixation on coughs Other Matters coughs but talking to Sophia and watching myself slip a bunch of thoughts made me go "ohhhh oh no you're still insane about Fates and Leo specifically... cool cool cool cool-"

Something that'll always come to mind when it comes to Leo is just how much internal conflict the guy must have with feeling like he has to Fit A Specific Function to matter to anyone but also wanting to have someone to talk to - someone who wouldn't put him down for being "weak." And when the "fitting a specific function" is the "reliable one" or the "strong one", then it becomes hard to really allow himself a chance to really allow himself to be vulnerable. He basically creates his own issues this way and it sucks more because I feel like this only gets worse for Birthright!Leo who later becomes king and now the whole country's relying on him. Like how does that play out for a guy with his whole complex exactly?

There was a "work in progress" fic that I had wanted to write that basically was supposed to be a snapshot of his life growing up, following after him and this Need to be Needed, coming from his time with his mom and the way I thought about how she must have raised him and how that plays into who he is today, but I think that fic got shot up in flames due to New Knowledge Acquired That Made Me Want To Stab the Fic With a Knife. normal. real normal snow. Which I will not get into because I actually didn't finish the whole context because I was just eheh~ a littleeee~ mad but that's fine lmao we're fine lolololol we're totally cool 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼(sobbing on the floor)

He's very fun to write for this reason though. Finding ways to balance out between this internal struggle at a given situation makes him very very attractive to write lol At least I try my best to do so anyhow haha I don't necessarily feel that my writing does him a disservice, but I do feel like it borders between weighing in too much into certain aspects of his character instead of holding the true weight he has, but that's a conflict I'm willing to put up with if it means getting to explore his character a little more in my head lmao

And sorry to track back, but I also think a lot about like. the affection with his family. I think a lot about how in his support with Corrin and Camilla, he expresses how much he wished to have the same attention that Corrin does; he just isn't sure how to do it unless the emotions were bubbling from his mouth and he speaks at a breaking point, to which he'll try to mend it with a "Apologies. That was unlike me. Anyways-" and tries to move onto something else LITERALLY JUST TALK DUDE!!!!!! COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!!!!!!

But he doesn't. He doesn't because time's told him that if he voices his own weakness he will get punished for it. It's something that I had contemplated specifically about how he was raised by his mom, and only to find out that that is also something he was raised to believe within the royal family (via the voice drama that I had to actually stop watching because I was just sad). He can't allow himself to be weak because he is always expected to be strong.

And for that reason, the name "Leo" is very fitting for him, I think. There's a really really good fanartist's comic on his name and it definitely contributed to the way I appreciate his naming and temporarily served as inspiration for the way I was going to take the fic, but you know. Didn't go anywhere.

I also just wish he knew he was loved. It's very clear his family loves him, but the way he was raised misconstrues this "love" for "shame". Yes we all tease Leo because he's so strict on himself and it's nice to see him have little flaws here and there. We poke fun at it and all, but how does that feel for Leo who's probably had his flaws shamed most if not all his life? It's the reason why he's so strict on himself after all, and they wonder why it is he's so strict on himself.

Anyways. Long story short, and quite the winding road, I love Leo's character a lot. I kinda forgot how much I did until Sophia and my conversation kinda wandered over to Fates talk and then Leo and I had to sit down and cry for like. Several paragraphs apparently about it

And the thing is, I'm not exactly sure if this is all intentional writing or if I just fixated so hard and made stuff up that this is the version that makes the most sense to me for his character. At the very least, all of this serves as the backbone to the way I write him. And as I said: it's very fun :)

But anyways, TY for the ask

[i-appear-misssing]

I get all of these mushy feelings about the suburbs now that I'm about to dip and every sensory thing is like a goddamn tsunami like......the way the air smells here in early autumn, and walking in the woods pining over the current crush, and the beginning of a cold and drinking too much for three stupid days in a row. I look at all these people that I've known my whole life and I'm in the moment, but I don't know how to talk to them cause we don't know each other as adults and yet all I want to do is ask them about those weird intimate things we knew about each other as kids. it gave me a feeling like I was astral projecting over the cheap bottles of wine and the arguments about who cheated on whom and whose fault it was and there's a dude who's clearly gay and he'll be in the closet forever cause this place sucks and he was aggressively man-flirting with the guy who's seen me spar with my coach at the gym one day and has been bro-ing me every time he sees me since.

I don't like this place but I know it so well, but it also gives me a feeling like it'll always surprise me. Like. I thought my time here would be so lonely and miserable cause it's the suburbs and there's no gay people and I'd always feel like an outsider in my friend group. It's been two years and I've had my heart broken like TWICE and so many things have happened and my friends are my best friends and.

I'm scared to go, I want to go but.... I'm scared but it's good. I know it'll hurt, leaving here, and that makes me proud. I always think nothing will ever happen to me. I've always thought that. I've lived my life constantly surprised that so many things happened to me, always thinking that I would never experience those movie moments myself, that I could only ever fantasize about them and I would have to constantly lie about actually having experienced stuff in general. I'm still very surprised. But I shouldn't be, cause I'm the one who made them happen. And whenever I stop and think about it it makes me cry like the littlest bitch.

I guess I was kinda living on borrowed time even back when the thought of death never even crossed my mind. Like, I don't know where this demon came from, thinking no one would ever love me romantically, platonically, as a best friend, as anything, but it's been with me since.....god, maybe it was the divorce all along, how pathetic. So trivial.

Sometimes I think about it and I get so mad because I probably wasted so many chances of making things happen because it never even crossed my mind that I was desirable as a friend or a romantic interest. And that's probably why I get so nostalgic about my teenage years in the suburbs. I mean yeah I was very deep into the closet but even as a fake straight could you imagine the power I would have had if I had some sort of confidence? Dang. This is getting more pathetic by the minute.

This is a mental exercise, I'm glad I'm the quiet gay weirdo I grew into. The boisterous kid I was before the changeTM stays reserved for the people who make me feel safe and I don't always like it but I also do.

I can't wait to come back here after I've been away for a while. I know this is a thought I'll have for as long as I'm alive, however far away I end up going, for however long.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳who cursed the bludger? ♡

in which the reader's dominant hand is injured badly after a rogue bludger slams into it and none other than fred weasley is behind it. who cursed the bludger?

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ± 2k

tw: serious injury, a little bit of swearing

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my masterlist:D

ft. penny clearwater

who cursed the bludger?

y/n was currently draped lazily over her broomstick, haven given up trying to teach penelope clearwater how to fly. said prefect was on the grass, smirking as y/n embarrassedly looked around.

"penny that's not ok to ask!"

"fine, fine," she pondered for a moment, "hey, what's up with you and fred weasley, huh?"

"nothing at all," y/n answered a little too quick for penny's liking.

"c'mon, y/n, you're younger than me, i should know all that happens. you two are very...flirty."

"yeah well, my dear pennysylvania, we have flirty personalities. duh."

"no, you don't."

"okay, i don't. he does."

"but he seems like he means it."

"of course he means it? he says it in a joking way? y'know, he means it as a joke."

"hmm, nope, i don't think so, y/n. he's looking your way right now."

"i'm probably blocking the space, let's move outta the way."

"you're not gonna play with them?"

"already play in matches, why now? let's chat."

fred was silently eavesdropping on their conversation as he heard his name.

"sooo you and perceeee??" y/n dragged out, grinning as she did loop-do-loops with her broomstick.

penny blushed, but looked disappointed, "he likes oliver."

"oh. well, f percy, what about marcus??"

"he's just marcus. we're best friends, y/n."

"my fav trope of romance is best friends to lovers," y/n wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and penny shook her head in amusement.

"my one is the opposites attract."

"hmm yeah, that's a good one too, it's really cute! say, aren't you and mar-"

"i was meaning you!"

"huh?"

"you and fred."

fred smirked as he listened, flicking back the bludger harshly at angelina.

"oh yes because we are totally meant for each other," y/n sarcastically replied.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"yes."

"you're doing this on purpose!"

"hmm? what?"

"oh my goodness, merlin you're stupid bro!" penny said exasperatedly.

"and you just realised. congrats, penny."

"anyway, what i'm saying is you and fred are rather like opposites. although he's extroverted and you're extroverted, you're a cute little nerd," y/n huffed at this 'i am n o t a nerd for the last time!' "and he's a class clown in the most charming way. you like reading and he likes pranking people and quidditch. you're a goody two shoes, an adorable one, but he's this foolish jock," penny looked proud with her argument so y/n laughed, "you're modest and he's very confident. and you're both hot."

y/n smiled, "i am not hot!" she giggled, "that's stupid."

"oi, ange!" penny called to angelina who looked over at her in amusement.

"yeah?"

"is y/n hot?"

"oh, totally!" angelina casually threw the quaffle into the hoop, "10/10."

"guyyys you flatTer me," y/n stretched out as the three of them laughed, "i'm bLushIng."

"you actually are," angie quipped.

"it's a command thing. if she wants to blush, she'll blush," replied penny.

they burst into giggles again.

fred watched y/n. a rosy pink, sure enough, had spread across her cheeks. that was enough to get her blushing?

"oi, l/n!"

y/n's head snapped his way, her eyes narrowed as if expecting an insult being thrown her way.

"your lips are pretty!"

her form relaxed, "thanks! yours are too!!"

penny giggled as angie rolled around laughing.

"what?" y/n looked around.

"the way you return flirting is hilarious."

"a compliment for a compliment, isn't that what they say?"

angelina snorted, "no one says that."

"oh well i say it, so deal with it."

"hey, i have an idea!" penny brightened up.

"let's hear it!"

"let's teach y/n pick up lines, ange!"

"oh you're a genius, penny!"

"okay, so-"

a bludger came whizzing at y/n as she screamed, trying frantically to dodge it. it hit her hand and a crack was heard.

luckily she immediately hopped off calmly, taking out her wand shakily and stunning the bludger, before penny and angie helped her over to the hospital ward, fred lagging guiltily behind.

she was ordered to stay in bed rest and with drowsy eyes she drifted off.

fred watched her feeling so terrible as he saw her heavily bandaged hand, imagining how he was going to tell her that he was in fact the one that had charmed it.

the next day, she was out and about, gently cradling her hand which was broken.

"um, hey, y/n," he nervously approached her.

"oh, hello!"

"i might have jinxed the bludger to go wild," he confessed abruptly, "i'm really sorry i didn't mean to-"

"no, it's fine, really." she gave him a reassuring smile and walked off.

he noticed that she couldn't write in class. usually she was scribbling away, but she just sat awkwardly at her desk, trying frantically to get anything legible down with her non-dominant hand. the fact she was so courteous and forgiving about everything just made it worse.

by now, y/n was dying inside. she couldn't write notes, and even though she wanted to ask any willing person for a duplicate of their notes, she'd have to explain the whole broken hand thing.

"ange?"

"yep?"

"do you have history of magic notes?" y/n did puppy eyes.

"nope, you forgot i dropped out."

"oh."

"do you want mine?" fred asked, smirking as he looked y/n up and down.

"you take notes?!!!" y/n was shook.

"only for you, 'cause i felt bad."

"you didn't need to!"

"i did. you want them?"

"yes please, thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!!"

"you're acting like you're not the one the bludger hit," angie quipped and y/n frowned, completely forgetting fred was still there, browsing the notes.

"c'mon, it was just an accident. and i've always wanted to be ambidextrous."

"lovely, you were struggling. i'll take all your notes. my handwriting isn't neat but i owe you."

y/n ducked to hide the light blush she could not control at all.

immediately she got a confused look from fred.

and instantly she thought of something that might make the blush go away. he didn't mean it, it slipped out, she thought and she felt her face cooling down, a slight frown appearing on her face.

"o-okay, thanks fred."

"no problems, darling," he flirted.

"that's good, darling," she flirted graciously back, bravely tilting her head up and looking him in the eye.

he took it well.

"where did you learn how to flirt so well, my little love??"

"why, freddie," she joked flirtatiously, "from you of course!"

he coughed and excused himself.

"he should really be careful with who he's flirting mindlessly with," y/n rolled her eyes.

angelina laughed, "flirting mindlessly? do you see the way he looks at you?"

"personality," y/n stated simply.

"or not."

true to his word, notes in fred's flurry of handwriting appeared neatly stacked every day. they were far too thorough and consisted of stupid flirty notes by the side. sometimes a little note, written in class, was jammed in there probably by accident:

hello freddie!

i have a crush on you 0-o, hogsmeade at 7pm on sunday?

-jamie <3, boy who sits in front of you in arithmancy

jamie,

i already have my eye on someone :) not you, sorry, y/n cringed at the bluntness of his words

you are very nice, perhaps try trera rivera if you swing that way? or illinois ann if you swing all ways?

oh i'm so sorry, i didn't know that! i'll talk to both. was the gracious answer

-jamie

and again! the lucky boy! this time from a girl.

weasley-

i know we hate each other but give me a chance to explain myself? broom closet at 9 tomorrow ? it trailed off to something that y/n didn't even want to think about.

k.o

fuck off. i don't fucking like you, i like someone else, ffs.

was the reply as y/n laughed and made sure to give the note back to fred.

it wasn't everyday someone confessed to you, right?

she underlined all the words that simply weren't legible to ask fred about.

and aNOTHER ONE?? how did this boy have so many admirers? y/n had received 0 love letters from any boy, let alone people of the same gender. you knew you were good with the ladies (and the gentlemen) when everyone sent you these letters.

dearest frederick-

it droned quite sweetly on about him and loving him and the writing was really magnificent.

margaret perrer

hi marg

i'm really really sorry. you seem like such a nice person, and it's not you, it's me. i, however, have a friend who really adores you: kenneth. he'll be an amazing friend and maybe more.

i also already am interested in another girl, so it really isn't you. thank you for your beautiful letter, hopefully we can be friends!

fred

oh he was very nice. feeling like she had overstepped the boundaries, she put them aside, discovering more and more but putting them all in a stack. she felt slightly insecure, especially when they all looked relatively neW?? the perfume on the flowers still smelled fresh?? who was this guy?

she sighed, finishing her read through and being thoroughly impressed with the sheer quality of the notes.

but there were around 100 words she had underlined. she skipped down into the great hall where she spotted two gingers. as soon as one (she couldn't see which one) saw her, he got up, whispered to the other something, and left.

when she approached the one that was left behind, she saw it was george.

"hi georgie!" she greeted him and thrust the papers into his hand, "where's fred?"

george shrugs, "left, for a date or something."

"oh, okay, could you translate these for me, the underlined words?" if y/n was disappointed, she didn't show it.

"oh yeah, sure, his handwriting's rubbish, isn't it."

"yes it is, i can barely read half of it."

george finished scribbling words next to the underlined ones.

"oh! and give these back to him? i'm pretty sure he dropped them in, probably got mixed up." she gave him the pile of letters, now neatly bundled in rope she had found.

"oh, yeah sure," george smirked, "of course."

"nice, well that's it, thanks for the help!"

"anything else?"

"tell fred good luck."

"right, right, mhm."

"yea."

once she'd left, george took out his walkie talkie.

"got that, freddie?"

"crystal clear."

"you're pining, pffft, hahahahah," george smirked as fred sighed.

"it didn't even work?"

"which plan?"

"the one to drop the letters in."

"i'm pretty sure she read like two, she didn't seem that disappointed?"

"exactly."

"you're an idiot. just tell her."

"but that's boringggg."

"well drop the hints then, merlin fred you're terrible at this."

"i haven't dated a billion girls like you!"

"then learn how to date my goodness."

"true."

"come fucking back."

"hickies or no?"

"eh go for it. i wanna see her reaction and then we can decide whether she likes you or not."

fred strided handsomely in, neck littered with little hickies and his top had two buttons open, freckles and pale broad shoulders showing.

george rolled his eyes, muttering, "drama queen," as he subtlely watched y/n. she managed not to look so surprised, her eyes widening then looking down quickly at her hands.

he would have thought she felt nothing for his twin if a light pink had not dusted over her face and if angie had not nudged her with a concerned look on her face.

y/n was wondering what the hell happened, disappointment rising slowly in her.

"okay, she's into you," george whispered as fred began removing the spell, leaving the unbuttoned shirt unbuttoned.

"cool beans."

"oh and she gives these back," george smirked.

"oh look at how she bundled it! so adorable georgie!"

"you're disgusting."

y/n hurried to the library at 6pm. she had heard the book she had waited for was finally available.

as she settled down with it, a paper aeroplane hit her.

"ahh!" she screamed as she caught it.

it read:

forbidden forest, 8pm.

huh? was this meant for her? it was in neat handwriting and on the smoothest parchment, with a single flower that smelt like fresh rain.

[ynisamenace]

 Party For One

Warnings: sub! Aone being a flustered mess, confident dom! Reader, nsfw kinda (grinding, not pg-13 kissing), mention of drugs and alcohol, college au! Aone.

Word count: 2.3k

a/n: ok guys this is my first fanfic so apologies if it’s not too good or if the ending is too rushed. Constructive criticism is always welcome and pls don’t forget to like and/or reblog. Thank you!

Aone was not much of a party goer. Although his friends were more outgoing, he in fact was not. He was more of a homebody, mostly leaving his shared apartment with Kenji for school, to get more ramen from the corner shop near his uni or practice with his newly-formed volleyball team; courtesy of his newly-formed friend, Kanji. Then proceeding to come home to shower, nap, wake up, struggle with his homework and then sleep till the next day. He was about to start the fourth activity of his daily routine when the sound of the doorbell rang through the apartment.

Sighing, he left his spot at the kitchen island to open the front door, then trying to close it once Kanji’s face appeared behind it.

“Woah woah if you wanted some alone time, you should’ve just said that”, the cat-faced friend exclaimed, just barely slipping through the crack in the door. Face adorned with brown freckles and a smile seemingly super glued to his face, he looked like the poster boy of golden retriever boys, “Wouldn’t matter anyway since I’m still dragging you to Sugawara’s tonight.”

Ah yes, Suga’s party, the one Aone was being forced to go to as a favour for his new friend. The white haired boy uttered a grunt of disapproval as Kanji plopped down onto his couch.

“I’m telling you man, when girls see us walking in together with my beauty and your scowl-,” he smirked while giving Aone a once over, “-they’ll come flocking like parakeets.” Aone ignored his new friend’s rambling and was about to go back to his homework when his phone buzzed. Picking it up and looking at his crush’s name made him do a double take before realizing it was from his class groupchat.

Y/n❤: Someone better come pick me up or else I’m dumping the mary jane😤

Sugawara: You live on campus, how did you sneak it in?

Y/n❤: Come pick me up and I’ll tell you

Bsf/n: I can see I’m gonna be on y/n duty tonight. I’ll come get you in 5

Y/n❤: Girl I’ll literally marry you don’t play with me

                                         -5 minutes later-

Y/n❤: Psa to everyone in this groupchat, bsf/n and I are married now

Bsf/n: As long as you do my makeup for the party lol

Y/n❤: Deal

A slightly dejected sigh left the tall boy’s lips, wishing it was him y/n would joke about marrying to the- wait party?? The realization that y/n was going to the same party as him made heart race with anticipation and although he never talked to her in any of the classes they shared, Aone developed a massive crush on y/n just by seeing the way she interacts with others as well as her personality. Her presence when she walks into a room, beautiful coily/kinky hair either flowing or in a different ‘protective style’ (which Aone ended up googling the meaning to) and her face adorned with a smile so bright, he could feel his ears getting hotter just by its look, it would be foolish to think that no other person in his uni or elsewhere had already snatched her up. Which is why Aone never felt the need to let her know about how much he was falling for her.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his roommate’s door opening, revealing a clearly tipsy Kenji trying and failing to button up the last button on his silk shirt.

“Is anyone g-gonna help or what..” he slurred, stumbling into the living room, planting himself right in front of Aone who begrudgingly helped him with the last button. Satisfied, the intoxicated boy walks over to Kanji on the couch who’s currently scrolling through his instagram feed. He gives Kenji a once over before giving a nod of approval to his outfit. He turns to the tall, white haired boy, “Aone go change, the party starts in 10 and you know it’ll take us half an hour to get there!”, he exclaimed gesturing to Aone with his hands in a shooing manner. He didn’t understand what was wrong with his gray shirt and black sweatpants but went to his room to go change anyway, returning six minutes later sporting a green and white checkered shirt with dark blue jeans and black levis. The trio hurriedly leave their apartement, Kanji practically dragging both boys to his car before appointing Aone as the designated driver as the boy was the only one who had no intention to drink at the party.

The ride to the party took much more than half an hour as Aone was forced to drive while simultaneously trying to stop the two boys at the back from drinking any more of the pregame Kanji brought as well as preventing Kenji from messing with the aux cord. In the end, both boys settled on playing Ei8th mile on repeat the rest of the drive, both alternating between rapping DigDat and Aitch’s lines. Finally getting to the address Sugawara sent to the group, the trio hopped out of the car and went to knock on the door, opening to reveal the silver haired boy in all his glory wearing a burger king crown and a drunk smile.“You guys look li-hiccup-ke you had a fun drife here”, opening the door wider to reveal flashing red and purple strobe lights, living room filled with drunk and soon-to-be drunk college students and a hiphop song playing with a loud base that almost made Aone’s teeth clink. The two drunk boys wasted no time heading to the make shift bar in the kitchen, Aone following reluctantly behind feeling quite awkward in the party setting. Even worse, he was unable to spot y/n in the crowd making his heart drop lower into his stomach.

 No no no no. 

Even though Aone didn’t think y/n would like him the way he likes her, he was hoping he could at least use this party to make himself known to her, maybe forming a friendship with her first before professing his love. Dejectedly, he trudges to the bar, sulking next to his now very drunk friends who are far more interested with the designs on the kitchen counter. 

“Dude it’s so swirly…how do they make it like that?” one of the boys asks.

“Bro it has to be like a top secret thing. Like in the dark web,” the other replied, his eyes widening as his pupils are blown out more.

Not wanting to deal with their drunk conspiracies, Aone heads to the store room in search for some water after not seeing any laid out. Finding a bottle, he quickly gulps it down, faintly hearing the song in the living room change to one with a much deeper base. Leaving the store with his thirst finally quenched, he recognizes the song as Cold by Rico Nasty, her gravely voice echoing around the living room and drowning out some of the chatter which Aone was grateful for.

Ridin’ in a Maserati

Like Scotty I’m with two hotties

I ain’t just walk in the party-

“I brought the drugs to the partyyyy”, a voice which made Aone’s heart beat faster screamed, Y/n bursting through the front door with a medium sized pack of marijuana and a tray of what he assumes are pot brownies as the crownd cheered at her arrival. Her eyes wide with excitement, hair in cute little bantu knots (which Aone noted is now probably his favourite hairstyle on her), and dazzling smile still glued to her face. Making a bee line to the kitchen to drop the stuff she was holding, she hugged and greeted the people closest to her, making Aone regret not standing closer to the front door before realizing she was making her way straight to him.“Hi Polar Bear!” her scent of f/p enveloping him as she hugged his stomach, hair right next to nose, making the boy short-circuit. Y/n is hugging me. Me. Hugging. She smells so good. I should probably hug her back. But what if that’s weird. Hugging me. I’m gonna marry her. I’m gonna throw u-

“Takanobu woohoo you good?” she whispered in neck, drawing him out of his daydream, while at the same time making blood rush to his lower region. His eyes widen as he turns to see her staring right at him, inches apart and eyes questioning.

“I-I’m doing well y/n, um you uh look great tonight”, he managed to blurt out, his compliment making her lips curve into that signature smile. He unconsciously let out a low groan as he felt his jeans tighten even more as his mind raced a mile a minute, envisioning her on top of him, smile turning into a smirk as she runs her hands over his body making him squirm. His neck, his nipples, his happy trail, his-

Once again brought out of his daydream, he looked around to see y/n already gone and dancing in the living room, her presence making her look ethereal in the flashing lights. Smiling slightly, Aone deciding to stop before his imagination made him cream in his pants, decided to go look for his friends spotting both of them laying near a potted plant in the hallway caressing the leaves and muttering under their breaths. He discreetly goes back to the store, getting two bottles of water and placing them on either side of his friends, knowing they’ll be shocked at it ‘appearing’.

Sighing tiredly, he briefly thinks of just driving back to his apartment having already seen his crush and hugged her, but decided against it not wanting to feel guilty for abandoning his intoxicated friends. He was about to go to the backyard looking for some fresh air before he heard his name being said in the crowd. Turning around too quickly he bumped into someone, gripping their waist and letting their scent envelop him before he caught a glimpse of their hair. 

Yes yes God yes

“Nobu I’m so sorry, I was trying to get your attention but you didn’t turn around!” y/n exclaimed, gripping his shirt making the boy realize his grip on her waist was tightening significantly. He quickly tried to let go but y/n wasn’t having any of it and planted his large palm on her backside, squeezing a little. Aone’s face had never been as red as it is now from that simple action. Clearing his throat, he gives a tentative squeeze to gauge her reaction and seeing the smirk on her face as her pupils darken. She finally releases her grip on his hand and turns to the dance floor, Aone follow behind.

 As they reach the dance floor, afrobeats fill the air as joro by wizkid which Aone knew was one of y/n’s favourite songs) plays turning the energy of the party to a slower tempo. Y/n turns to the tall boy, once more putting his hands on her waist, before pulling him closer to her, their bodies now pressed against eachother.

Aone can feel her grinding on his pants and begs to any God who’ll listen to please not let him pop a boner right now. Her mouth comes closer to his ear and he can feel her breath making shivers run down his spine. “I could feel it you know…” she whispers as his eyes widen, embarrassment from though him as he realizes she felt the first boner he popped while hugging her in the kitchen “…didn’t peg you as the type. What a pervert you are Nobu.”   

That small gesture almost made Aone cream in his pants. Almost. If not for the overwhelming shame he would feel if someone saw him, his dick was already as hard as can be. A murmur left Aone’s lips and y/n has to strain her neck to hear him over the sound of the music flowing through the house.

“What was that Nobu?”

“P-plea-ase,” he whispers, ears a bright shade of red as y/n smirks looking him in the eye to see his pupils blown out, clouded with lust and feeling his member poking her in the thigh.

“Please what Nobu?” their lips almost touching.

“..Please kiss me”

“That’s all you had to say ya damn polar bear”, finally pressing her lips on his and making the butterflies in his stomach turn into fireworks. He really couldn’t believe it. His head felt like it was about to burst from all the blood that rushed into it. Her lips felt so much better, so much better than his imagination. Her hands sliding up to his neck and slipping into the hair on the nape of his neck, he uttered a low groan giving access to y/n to slip her tongue onto his. Aone could feel his precum dampening his briefs and hoped that a dark spot wouldn’t be visible by the end of the night. She tried to break the kiss, his head leaning closer not letting her go until she tugged hard on his nape hair forcefully, a string of saliva still connecting them.

“What a needy boy”, she smirked, letting go of him to swipe at the corner of his lips. “Why didn’t I come speak to you earlier?”, he didn’t care because for him, this really was worth the wait.

 Aone was not much of a party goer, but he’d have to thank his friends in the morning for forcing him to go to this one.

Tags: @itzgabz22

[mae-gi-writes]

Awkwardly In Love | Mingi (ATEEZ)

Volleyball player! Mingi can’t seem to take his eyes off the girl on the bleachers whose got her nose stuck in her book.

Genre: FLUFF AND CUTE AWKWARD MINGI SBGKJDGJ I CAN’T HE RUINS ME. 

Word count: you just gotta know that it iz quite a long ride. I apologize for that.

----

She's always got her nose buried in her book.

That's what catches Mingi's attention at first.

See, he's not one to read. Nor does he have any interest in reading and books and the things that come with it. Growing up in a household full of children involved in physical sport, books had counted for nothing but a minimal afterthought. That, and the fact that their financial struggles made it so that they didn't spend on books if it could be helped.

So seeing her always carrying around piles and piles of books has Mingi wonder how much extra cash does she have to spend on all this imaginary stories.

When he realizes that the reason she's always on the same spot on the bleachers is due to her cousin being in the same volleyball team as he is, he can't help but start asking questions.

"Yeah she's my mother's sister's daughter," Hongjoong says with a small affectionate smile, "we basically grew up in the same household so she waits for me after classes."

"You guys close then?" Mingi asks in a forced nonchalant tone. He keeps his eyes on the ball being served on the other side, palms already closed and upturned at the ready.

"Ready?" His teammate calls.

"Yeah!" They both holler.

He serves. The ball swoops in a beautiful arc and Mingi steels himself before receiving the ball with trained precision.

Pack!

"Closer than siblings," Hongjoong answers as the ball flies over the net, "why do you ask?"

Mingi is about to answer when he spots the ball. Hongjoong sweeps in, steering his legs to tap the ball high in the air.

Tap!

Mingi's head swivels up, catches the ball to throw it back at Hongjoong.

Pack!

"In!" The referree calls to signal that they've marked the final point to the game. The pair allow sighs to leave their lips as they slowly make their way out of the court.

"Uhm," Mingi's chest heaves up and down with effort. Sweat dots his forehead as he racks for an excuse, "just curious I guess."

"Want me to introduce you?"

"Uh-- I--That's not--necessary--"

It's too late though, for Hongjoong is already calling out her name, "Y/N!"

Her head lifts from where it's been buried in her book.

Her cousin motions for her to come forward and no sooner is she stepping down from the bleachers that Mingi's neck flushes bright red, and he knows deep down it's not from the fact that he's just exercised.

"Y/N, meet Mingi my teammate," Hongjoong's grin is definitely one that is suggestive, which does nothing for Mingi's confidence.

"Hi," she sends him a warm smile, extending a hand. Mingi shakes it and can't help but notice how tiny her fingers are in comparison.

Delicate fingers, so breakable. Cute.

"H-Hi, I'm Mingi," Oh god, he hopes he doesn't sound like an idiot.

"Mingi's always been on the team. He's the ace after all," adds Hongjoong.

"Ah, that's cool," Y/N nods.

That's how it starts really. At every practice, Mingi makes it a must to talk to her, even if it's juet a tiny greeting, or a slight wave of his shy hand whenever he's already on the court when she stumbles in with her pile of books tucked under her arm. There's just something about her, something that pulls him in like an invisible string even though he can barely make his way through one sentence when he's gazing straight into her eyes.

Once, he musters up the courage to ask her about the book in her lap and the amount of joy flushing up her cheeks makes it so palpable that he feels giddy from her own excitement.

"I'm currently reading Peony in Love," holding up the book so he can see, she continues, "it's a historical novel about this Chinese girl that falls in love with someone who isn't her betrothed, then dies only to realize that this someone is actually her betrothed."

"That's actually really heartbreaking."

"Yeah well, so are most romance stories," she shrugs, "like the titanic."

"I've never actually watched it."

"What?! You're kidding me?"

He shakes his head, ducking his head in embarrassment as he wonders whether she thinks of him as a loser because of his apparent lack of intellectual knowledge.

But instead, he is faced with her enthusiasm, "we should watch it someday! It's like a classic, you'll love it if you like dramatic endings."

"You--" he feels his chest tighten in excitement, "you're serious?"

"Of course I am! I'll let Hongjoong know."

His heart does drop a little at Y/N's cousin's name. He'd hoped that they'd be alone, just the two of them.

Nevertheless, he makes his way over to Hongjoong's flat on the said night and is surprised to find not just the pair of cousins But an entire group of familiar individuals that he's seen hanging around the corridors and classrooms.

"Hey you came!" Hongjoong claps Mingi's back as he steps into the doorway, "I invited some of my close friends too. You probably know them."

As Mingi greets the rest of the group whe exchanging soft pleasantries, he finally catches sight of Y/N's figure darting between tall frames before she emerges, grinning, "hi, Mingi right?"

He can't help but blush right down to his toes, "h-hey, what's up?"

"Sorry for all the noise. The guys just wanted to crash here. Told them we were watching titanic and they promised they wouldn't make running commentaries."

"It's alright. I know them all a little. We're in the same class."

"Ah cool. You guys all in the same major then?"

Mingi scratches the back of his head, "nah I'm in Psych. But since they're all in the sciences like Hongjoong we do have same classes."

"Cool. I wish I could've taken Psych," she puffs up her cheeks into a pout and Mingi's fingers itch to pinch her cheeks.

She can't be that cute. She just can't be.

"So are we starting the movie or what?!" One of the guys --his name is Yunho, Mingi guesses -- calls out.

"The way you're talking Yunho, it's almost like you're the one who really wants to watch it," Hongjoong replies sassily while throwing both arms around Y/N and Mingi respectively before guiding them to the tv room. He dips his head towards Mingi's ear as the group settles in, "don't worry bro, I'll make sure you sit next to her."

Blushing furiously at the older boy's comment, the latter doesn't even have time to defend himself when he is being pushed onto the couch right next to Y/N's figure.

"You a big tears kind of guy?" The girl murmured, popcorn in lap. She extends it out to Mingi, who shyly grabs a handful.

"I guess it depends," Mingi murmurs, "are there animals in there?"

"Oh so you're that kind of guy."

He flushes. What kind of guy is she referring to?

The movie starts with the narration of an old lady gazing at a sapphire necklace, bedore the screen gives way to a shot of the ship itself in all its splendour, glistening a bold black and white in the midday sun.

Mingi knows he should be concentrating on the movie. And it's true, he really should, especially when Y/N had asked him to because it is clearly a classic he can't possibly miss out on. But alas, his eyes keep dashing back and forth between the screen and Y/N's face, stealing looks whenever she is not looking. It's almost like a magnetic pull tugging his gaze back to her no matter how hard he forces his eyes away; flitting over her eyes focused in attention, eyebrows furrowed at the middle with her mouth hanging open like a child amazed with naked wonder.

What can she possibly be thinking? What is going on inside that imaginative mind of hers?

What magical dimension is she traveling to without his knowledge?

It's only when the romance between the two protagonists start blossoming that he finally tears his eyes away to focus on the movie itself, all the while sensing Y/N's heat permeating from her body to his in a way that causes a permanent flush in the back of his neck.

The movie ends all too soon, with tears in Y/N's eyes and some of the other guys as they debate over the ending and how stupid Rose was for not giving Jack some space on the wooden board.

"Well to be fair, he would've probably sunk the entire board," Seonghwa argues. He's the pretty boy that everyone knows of, the one whom every girl has been crushing on since his admittance to their college.

"If I were Rose, I wouldn't want to keep living without the love of my life," Y/N points out, "I would've drowned myself with him."

"Jesus Y/N, that's terrifying," Hongjoong says.

"It's true though!"

The look in her eyes whenever she spoke of movies was a look of naked excitement. Like now, Mingi spots the familiar fire burning through her gaze, a gaze he finds alluring on her. It's like it breathes life into her face. It's similar to the one she wears whenever she's reading.

A few days later on campus, he bumps into her hurrying out of the library as he walks in, almost sending her flying before his arm snatches out to hold her shoulder.

"Sorry," he says hastily while putting her back on her feet and releasing her like she's just burnt him.

"S'okay," Y/N sends him a reassuring smile, "where you going?"

"Assignments. I'm late on my research paper because of practice," Mingi scratches his head. He nods towards her books, "what caught your interest this week?"

"Oh I'm just re-reading A Darker Shade of Magic," she grins like a little child being caught. Something in Mingi's heart softens like butter.

"What's it about?"

"It's so cool, it's like this guy with a super cool coat that has hundreds over coats inside it. And he's a magician and there are parallel worlds that have different wavelengths of magic. So he can travel through the different worlds and--" she stops abruptly then before her cheeks colour in shades of pink, "sorry. I'm rambling again--"

"No no no," Mingi cuts her off, causing her to blink, wide-eyed, "please...continue. I--I like it when you talk about your books. You--You always seem so alive and excited."

"Oh," her face flushes even more as another troop of butterflies tickle Mingi's stomach. She's so damn cute! "Thanks...Mingi."

He tries to analyze the flickering expressions on her face, though he guesses it is close to feeling embarrassed.

"A--Anyway I--I'll get going," Mingi hurriedly says, moving past her with flaming red ears upon realizing what he has just said, only to feel her hand clamp down on his.

He turns to see her, averted gaze and all, little fingers clamped onto his shirt, "do you--do you want to...go see a movie sometime?"

----------

Hongjoong had threatened Mingi with a multitude of ways of killing him in case he broke Y/N's heart, albeit the fact that the taller man stated that no, they weren't going on a date,.and anyway flirting had never been Mingi's strongest points anyway.

"Sure. If it's not a date, what is it then?" Hongjoong had asked with a roll of his eyes.

"It's just two people hanging out," Mingi had protested through red ears and scarlet tinged cheeks.

As per the said man's suggestion, the pair decides to meet up at the cinema entrance to choose the movie of their choice. Y/N is decked in a simple white t-shirt, loose cut-off jeans with red sneakers, and as Mingi silently admires her sense of simple fashion the heat that rises through the back of his neck is enough to make him avert his gaze bashfully.

They settle on a romantic comedy and he volunteers to buy the popcorn so that she can find some decent seats. As he settles into the cinema room and the lights dim into darkness, he places the popcorn box into her hands, waving her off upon her rising protests.

"But you--"

"I'll share it with you, don't-- don't worry," he replies, hand scratching the back of his neck.

Don't sweat it, he says to himself. It's fine. It's not a date. It's just two friends enjoying each other's presence.

Halfway through the movie, Mingi reaches for the popcorn only for their hands to collide. He retracts it like he just burnt himself, causing the said girl to chuckle softly. She reaches over then, with a handful of popcorn, before plopping it straight into his mouth without warning.

Mingi blinks. Heat goes straight to his ears.

When his eyes find hers, she only graces him with a timid smile, before returning back to the movie, totally unaware that his heart is now practically galloping out of his chest.

Jesus, what she does to his heart.

Mingi has never been so whipped in his life, but right now, he's pretty certain that he doesn't mind if that means she can accept his heart.

"Well that was fun," Y/N says the moment they step out of the cinema hall, "wasn't expecting it to be so lovey dovey though."

His head ducks, "I'm sorry," he mutters, "I didn't know you weren't into--"

"Oh no no! Not at all! We both chose it. You have nothing to feel bad about!"

"I'm not that into movies," comes his mumble.

"What?" Y/N stops in the middle of the road as she blinks up at him in shock, "you should've told me!"

"I wasn't interested in seeing the movie, I just wanted to see--" he hesitates slightly, "you."

What the fuck Mingi, he feels like choking himself foe his stupidity. Why was he acting like a total turd? This was ridiculous! She's just a girl, a cute one sure, but still! It's almost like he's lost all ability to make conversation.

He tries once more, "I'm--I'm sorry I shouldn't have--“

“No, I“m the one who's sorry. Here, let me treat you. Ice cream?” and then, her eyes widen, "you do like ice cream right?"

That'a enough for his lips to tilt up into a smile, "I'd love ice cream."

---

Once they settle on a bench at the nearby park, it seems like all nervousness suddenly ease from Mingi's consciousness and slowly, he starts opening up to the said girl as they lick at their ice cream cones. The sun sets over the horizon, turning the blue sky in scarlet hues that reminds him of summer days that last forever.

"Architecture's tough but honestly, that was the only thing my parents would let me study," Y/N says, empty ice-cream stick in hand as her gaze sweeps over the park and its passerbys.

"I guess it makes sense, considering our economy recently," Mingi agrees.

"And you? Why Psych?"

He lifts his shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, "I guess I just like analyzing people. It's intriguing, knowing how people think, how they act around others."

"You want to be a therapist?"

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to help people get out of their problems when I can't even help myself."

He feels her eyes on him and finds interest in the way the wind blows across the grass blades.

Her voice is soft when she says, "you don't have to be that kind of hero, if you don't want to."

His heart swells with warmth and sudden affection, though he says nothing but nods in agreement.

It's easily past ten when they trudge back to Y/N's house, with nervousness swimming through Mingi's stomach in apprehension to Hongjoong's earlier threats, though Y/N reassures him that Hongjoong is mostly all talk and no action. That reassures the tall man slightly, until his feet start bristling upon spotting her front porch.

"Thanks for keeping me company today," Y/N tilts her head up, her profile bathed in the backlight of her house, "next time, let's not go to the movies."

Mingi's heart skips, "I didn't mind it."

"I know, but I want to do things that you like too," she grins.

A surge of courage rises through his chest as he tells her that he'd like that a lot too.

Except the thing that falls out of his mouth instead is, "I like you too."

She blinks.

He blinks back, realization settling in like a dull ache in his stomach.

Horror sweeps through him. Oh no.

It hadn't been in his plan to expose himself like this, exposing himself like a dog who wants a tummy rub, but then again there's no sign of rejection that flickers across Y/N's face, which he takes as a good sign as he fumbles for the right words, "uhm, I-- I mean, I didn't mean--"

"You didn't mean that?"

"What?" His eyes widen, "no no! Of course I mean it, I just--"

He gasps at his own words, cupping a hand over his mouth as the girl before him explodes into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Oh my gosh," her eyes crinkle up into those adorable crescents of hers, "you're so cute."

Scarlet pink blossoms across his cheeks. Averting his eyes, he wishes that the floor can just come and swallow him up right there and then.

"Right," clearing his throat, one hand reaches up to scratch his ear, "well, I-I'll just go--"

He's halfway turning around when Y/N's hand trickles through his, as gentle as water flowing through his fingertips.

"Wait," she murmurs.

His breath stalls. Inhaling a soft breath, he slowly shuffles back, not daring to meet her gaze when he feels like he's just put his heart on the table for her to do with as she pleases.

Her voice is a gentle breath of a whisper, "don't go."

And then, she's up on her tippy toes and pressing a light kiss to his cheek. Mingi's skin practically lights on fire as another round of butterflies erupt in his chest at her touch, and he can't help but stare down at her, jaw slack, as she gives him the shyest smile he's ever seen.

Cute! His mind screams. Cute cute cute!

"So," Mingi's mind comes back into focus upon hearing her voice, eyes finding her biting down onto her lower lip, “Well, uh--I guess--I guess this means I--I like you, or something.”

"uhm,” his ears are so hot with heat he feels they might fall off as he forces himself not to gawk at her, though it’s proving to be quite difficult as he’s trying to muster the courage to come out with a reasonable answer. 

“I--well, uh--how does this--I don't know--do you want to...uh possibly,” he swallows thickly, before exhaling the words in a rush,”...goouttodinnerwithme?"

Y/N blinks in confusion, "I'm sorry?"

Come on, Mingi! He thinks to himself in growing desperation. Don't be such a wimp!

"Do you... want to...go out with me? S--Sometime?" His throat is clogged with so much embarrassment he fear he might choke.

But when he feels soft fingers trace his chin, he looks up, right into her dark brown eyes sparkling with a tinge of playfulness, excitement and naked joy brimming at the corners.

"I'd love that," she whispers.

And she lifts herself up once more to land a kiss on his mouth, softly, shyly, a mere brushing her mouth against his.

Mingi stumbles upon impact, hands unconsciously grasping her waist as his back comes in contact with the railing lining her porch.

His eyes are wide when she pulls away, biting her lower lip like she can't help but feel nervous from this bold action that has taken him by surprise.

"What--" Mingi chokes on his words, lapses into silence while staring down at her.

The girl merely glances down. A blush taints her cheeks and even though his fingers are shaking and he feels like his heart is about to jump out of his chest at the mere prospect of their closeness, his body moves before his brain does.

Closing the gap between them, it's his turn to press a kiss now, a chaste one that tells her that he reciprocates these feelings wholeheartedly. And Y/N responds by wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer so that their chests touch, mouths moving slowly in harmony as they chase each other and mold together in a way that leaves Mingi breathless and his heart stuttering like he's just won a race.

If it is, then it's the most importance race of his life.

It is only when they pull apart, breathing into each other with barely millimetres separating their mouths, that he can't help but laugh at the realization that this girl in his arms is his.

"What?" She says while smiling up at him. So gorgeous, so breathtaking. And she's his.

"Nothing," he can sense the heat flooding his cheeks once more, "I just-- I'm just...happy."

And there it is, that same smile that he loves so much. The smile that holds magical words and countless secrets to the amazing mind she beholds. He can't want to delve into her thoughts and pick at her brain, knowing that all of them are going to be precious memories he'll hold dear to his heart.

That smile.

Hongjoong's voice suddenly erupts out of nowhere like a nightmare, "don't think I didn't see you guys kissing out there!"

---

I’m so whipped for Mingi and he’s like 2 years younger so I feel like such an old noona *sighs*. 

Anyway, let me know if you’d like more Ateez content! <3 Stay safe guys, and thanks for reading! 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 278: MOMO IN CHARGE

Previously on BnHA: Deku and Kacchan were all “SIR, THAT’S OUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SENSEI” and got really ferocious and made a very passionate attempt to blow Tomura up and it was great. It basically did nothing, but it was still great. AFO was all “COME HERE LIL BRO”, and Tomura was all “silly Sensei, you can’t just take over my mind and body just like that”, and he was very confident of this despite there really being no evidence to back it up, but okay! Gran was all “time to make the fandom mad at me” and grabbed Tomura by the collar and yelled at him about Nana a bit, and then Bakugou and Endeavor made an even MORE passionate attempt to blow up Tomura, which may or may not have done some actual damage. The chapter ended with Gigantomachia battling Mt. Lady, just kinda out of the blue, which is FINE, but she had better be all right, though!

Today on BnHA: Everyone is all “WAUGHH IT’S GIGANTOMACHIA” and running around freaking out about it. The U.A. alums all kick some ass, and pretty much everyone else not from U.A. does jack fucking shit. Mt. Lady, who I plan on naming all of my future children after, does her best to stop Machia but he keeps flinging her aside. Kamui Woods is all “here I come with Midnight to put Gigantomachia to sleep!” and is PROMPTLY FUCKING MURDERED!? by Dabi because he’s a flammable tree man, and so Midnight falls all the way to the ground and is badly injured. So then she’s all “well I better call the most competent person I can think of to fix this mess” and dials up YAOYOROZU FUCKING MOMO, who proceeds to take charge LIKE THE BOSS SHE IS, and mobilizes the rest of the kids. And honestly I have more faith in them than in any of the adults at this point, so yeah, you know what? Let’s do this.

so I am possibly a bit spoiled on this chapter because I did a “top five predictions” post earlier this week, and someone replied to that yesterday on Thursday saying that they were mostly correct. I don’t know exactly how close to the mark I was though, and in any case most of the predictions were just “so-and-so shows up, probably”, so it’s not too bad. we’ll see how it goes!

OH THANK GOD MY BABIES ARE SAFE

I mean, CLEARLY they’re all about to be in horrible danger, seeing as Jirou is about to inform them of the whole “THE BIG GUY EVERYONE WAS AFRAID ABOUT WAKING UP WOKE UP” thing, but in the meantime at least Kami and Toadette and Honenuki made it back to the group safely

also Kaminari’s use of “Jirou-Jack” here is fucking inspired and I want him to teach a class on nicknames. isn’t he the one who coined “Yaomomo” as well? this boy has a gift and it needs to be appreciated

so Jirou is all “SOMETHING REALLY BIG IS COMING”, and actually she says “INSANELY HUGE”, which if anything is still an understatement, hard as it is to believe

WOW

“A BAD GUY IS HEADING THIS WAY?? SOUNDS LIKE IT’S TIME TO ABANDON THE CHILDREN IN THE WOODS” kjlfakh okay you know what?? fine!! you weren’t even going to do anything anyway so let’s not pretend!!

holy shit it’s like Mt. Lady isn’t even there

look at those speed lines!! goddamn. I just felt this huge rush of empathy for Mt. Lady though. like can you imagine growing up with this super-destructive quirk, and managing to become a hero with it against all odds, and having to put up with the manga making fun of you all the time just because sometimes you have a tendency to DESTROY A LOT OF STUFF, but it’s not like you can help it!! but the upside has always been that when your quirk is on, you are fucking UNSTOPPABLE though. so even though it’s been a hell of a rough ride for you, it’s worth it because you’re a complete badass and the number of people who can beat you out in terms of sheer physical strength is probably in the single digits. and you’re working really hard too, and lately you’ve been moving up through the ranks and actually becoming a damn fine hero if I do say so myself (and I do), and it’s like, about time though?? like finally, finally it is all starting to come together for you. and then this snarling trashrock person suddenly comes stampeding along and you put your all into trying to stop him, and it doesn’t even do a damn thing. like, holy shit. that’s just not fucking fair and YOU DESERVE BETTER, MT. LADY

anyway so she’s still hanging in there for now though so let’s check in with our villain squad riding on his back

lmaooo they’re all “I don’t even understand what is going on here”

YOU GUYS, THIS IMPLIES THAT THEY WERE ALL PLUCKED OFF THE GROUND BY THE SCRUFFS OF THEIR NECKS AND THEY HAD ABSOLUTELY NO SAY IN THE MATTER OMG. like I’m picturing Spinner being held by his cape pinched in between Machia’s thumb and forefinger, and awkwardly trying to lecture him like a mom with his hands on his hips all, “BAD GIGANTOMACHIA! NO! NOOOUAGH -- !” and cutting off with a yelp as he’s dropped onto his back

and I am glad they got Toga some clothes! I like to think Gigantomachia grabbed those for her as well. so thoughtful

wow Skeptic actually wants to go back to Re-Destro??

color me legit impressed. I underestimated your loyalty my dude. and let me also just take this moment to extend my gratitude toward Horikoshi for leaving the rest of the MLA out of it because good fucking riddance to them, goodbye forever hopefully!!

I guess they’ll be needing Skeptic’s quirk down the line for some reason? maybe he is meant to be like a new, less out-of-control Twice. smdh y’all out here trying to replace your dead buddy like a pet goldfish

who is this “they” Dabi is referring to

do you mean the heroes? lol yeah I guess they’re pretty distracted by the literal fucking kaijuu you’re currently piggybacking on

SIGH

“the Jakku team must’ve made a mistake” BOY, I’LL SAY. you know what, don’t even talk to me about that yet. it’s still too fresh. suffice it to say that your suspicions are correct and things in Jakku are not very daijobu right about now

anyway here’s a closeup of this bubble person just cuz

they are everything and I want them to be my friend. also there’s a squid person a few paces behind them who can probably do anything a squid can do. or they might actually be a shark person, actually. I don’t know. either way I love them

GETEN PLEASE GO AWAY

WE ARE PHASING OUT THE MLA!! MOVING FORWARD IT’S ORIGINAL LOV ONLY!! I’M SORRY BUT YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT. we already have an ice character so shoo

OH DAMN MY MAN CEMENTOSS HAS HAD ENOUGH OF HIS NONSENSE TOO AHHHH YESS

1) hey so Cementoss is legit terrifying who’d’ve thought

and 2), did Cementoss always have a mouthful of gigantic perfect teeth each the size of a slice of bread, or is this just something I’m only noticing now because I’m behind the curve. either way, let me just say sincerely, DKJDLKFJLSKJG

RE-DESTRO YOU GO AWAY TOO!!

@waywardfacegarden​ you asked the other day which are the characters I actually dislike, and this is one of them lol. he’s just a big ol’ prick, and on top of that has the audacity to not even be interesting in any way so as to balance it out. anyway so apologies to any Re-Destro stans out there but I basically spend every panel he’s in hoping that someone will punch him in the face hard enough to finally make him shut up

anyway so my man Edgeshot is here though, finally!! but of all the people for him to fight! this is a real predicament for me. the most soothing character in the series contrasted with the character who grates my nerves the most. Edgeshot’s sexy ASMR voice is gonna be drowned out by all of RD’s punching and self-important ranting in the anime and I’m lowkey devastated but I’m gonna pull myself together and read on

SPEAKING OF SELF-IMPORTANT RANTING

Edge, if you can liberate us from having to put up with his insufferable ass once and for all I will be so grateful to you. can you do this. please. for me

and it looks like some other boring MLA villains are following along behind Machia so I’m gonna need someone to kick their asses as well. please

-- YESSSSSS

okay so now I see what that comment on my prediction post was referring to lol. I did indeed have my fingers crossed that these two would show up again, and sure enough! THE GANG’S ALL HERE YAY

and Mt. Lady is being sumoed aside!

anyone want tonight’s lotto numbers. during this brief fleeting moment of having my predictions be actually credible, I would just like to say that Hagakure is the U.A. traitor. thank you and goodnight

OH NO KAMUI IS WORRIED

HE LOOKS SO PANICKED?? OUT OF THE BLUE I SHIP IT SO MUCH?? I keep forgetting they’re on the same team and stuff and wow, I need to calm down

LOL MIDNIGHT IS ALL “NO TIME FOR SHIPS!!”

I wonder if her quirk will actually be enough to take him down? this is something I’ve been itching to see for a long time, actually. just how powerful is she? we know her quirk is more effective on males than females, but is anyone actually capable of resisting it? imagine if she really did just knock Gigantomachia out after all of this buildup. that would be some god-tier shit omg, DO IT

(ETA: I am just going to assume that since Horikoshi had to go to elaborate lengths to take her out of the fight, this means that her quirk really was capable of knocking them all out. another tragic case of Too Badass For The Plot. y’all better respect Midnight.)

YESSSSSSSS

is she stripping. you know what -- don’t think about it. I won’t let you ruin this for me Horikoshi. Midnight’s gonna be a badass because the ladies are fucking ruling this arc and that’s all there is to it

NOOOOOO

DABI GET BACK HERE I JUST WANT TO TALK!!

oh thank god, she’s all right. BUT KAMUI ISN’T THOUGH DLKJSFLKSJDG??!

did Kamui Woods just... die

(ETA: okay but for real, is there an actual curse in effect on the Billboard Top Ten right now, though?? did one of them accidentally disturb the tomb of some ancient king??)

...

( ･ั﹏･ั)

oH MY GOD!?!

NOOOOOOO WHY ARE YOU SO QUICK TO SLEEP ON MAJESTIC, LET’S SEE IF THEY CAN DO IT!! GIVE US MAJESTIC GOD DAMMIT

(ETA: Horikoshi is seriously just yanking our chain at this point. when Majestic finally does show up, he or she better have the coolest fucking quirk of all time, that’s all I’m saying.)

okay how badly injured is Midnight here, though?? she just fell all that way?? DO I NEED TO BE REALLY MAD. I CAN WORK MY WAY UP TO IT PRETTY QUICKLY, JUST SAY THE WORD. I’M ALREADY HALFWAY THERE HONESTLY. WHERE’S KAMUI WOODS

!!!!!!!!!!!

AND JUST LIKE THAT MY ANGER EVAPORATES INTO THE NIGHT, YESSSSSSSSS!! MOMOOOOO

holy shit. “a quirk that can stop that thing,” she says. and goes and calls YAOYOROZU FUCKING MOMO y’all I am barely holding myself back from SCREAMING right now I...

you guys

you guys. if Midnight and Yaomomo team up to take down Gigantofuckingmachia using some sort of MOMO MADE A MACHINE TO SPREAD MIDNIGHT’S QUIRK strategy, or whatnot?? I will fucking die on the spot. you can end the manga right there. Kacchan you can keep your quirk I don’t even care

“IT MIGHT BE AGAINST THE LAW” lmaooooo insert John Mulaney “WE’RE WELL PAST THAT” gif here. holy shit. listen, that is fine. if anything it’s even better

WHAT THE FUCK

DO I NEED TO START GETTING REALLY MAD AGAIN!?!?! FUCKING WHIPLASH, IS WHAT THIS IS, BUT YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT SORT OF OVER-THE-TOP REACTION IS NEEDED HERE AND I’LL GO FOR IT

(((( ;°Д°))))

[GRABS HORIKOSHI BY THE COLLAR] listen, you. if you only just now, for the first time ever, gave us a lady hero actually mentoring another lady hero, which we have somehow NEVER HAD BEFORE in almost three hundred chapters, only for you to then KILL OFF THE MENTOR IN THE MIDDLE OF HER GODDAMN SPEECH TO THE MENTOREE, I will... there’s... I’ll... okay, listen. DON’T. THERE WILL BE A RECKONING. CAPSLOCK SUCH AS THIS WORLD HAS NEVER WITNESSED!!

ヽ(#ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ┌┛

I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO REACT TO ANYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER AND I’M LOSING MY MIND OVER IT

so the other kids are all “what the fuck” and “so Momo’s in charge??” which, YES!!! IT’S THE ONE GOOD PART ABOUT ALL THIS SO DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION IT

MOMO NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE CRIPPLED BY YOUR ANXIETY, YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL I BELIEVE IN YOU

hell, it’s not even just an “I believe in you” thing, because it’s not just belief, it’s fact. you motherfucking can do this, you are the most capable and brilliant student in 1-A, you just gotta have faith and let yourself shine!!

so now there are some more panels of Machia running and the villains and heroes fighting, blah blah blah. and Momo screwing up her face as she makes her decision...

YESSSSSSSSS

my baby girl is all grown up and TAKING THESE MOTHERFUCKIN REINS and MOMO I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU JUST SAY THE WORD!!

lol she’s all “Jirou use your ears and scientifically calculate how long it’ll take him to get here”, and Jirou is all “I can literally fucking see him, he’s gonna be on top of us in like two seconds” WELL OKAY THEN

thank god there are no adult pros left to fuck this up. is that weird that this is a real and honest and completely sincere thought that just ran through my head? like, at this point if any of the adults were around I’d just be afraid of them dying honestly. but with the kids I actually feel real hope that they’re somehow gonna do this. of course it helps that unlike the adults they’re pretty safe from being killed off

also! way to represent the entirety of class 1-B there Honenuki lulz. sorry, The Rest of Class 1-B

OH MY GOD

MT. LADY I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU AS WELL!! YOU HAVE MY LOVE AND FEALTY!!

I’M STANNING HER SO HARD I’M GONNA EXPLODE SOMEBODY HELP!?!

JIROU SAYS THAT MACHIA HAS SLOWED DOWN!! YOU GUYS I’M ABOUT TO GET “MT. LADY FOR PRESIDENT” TATTOOED ACROSS MY FOREHEAD

lmao at Shouji using his power of “putting some extra eyeballs on my arms” to inform everyone that Gigantomachia is Right Over There and Very Big

good job Shouji

oh my glob I have so much love for Momo right now that it can’t even fucking be contained. brb wildly flailing my hands around a little to try and release some of this excess excitement

maybe Momo can be president instead and Mt. Lady can be the vice president

NO THE CHAPTER IS ENDING I’M NOT READY

AND JUMP IS ON BREAK AGAIN NEXT WEEK TOO, FML!!

okay!!

Kaminari is so fucking brave right now I just want to crush him in a hug?! we know he’s still scared!! look at his eyes!! and he was freaking the hell out earlier too, and now the situation is much worse! but he doesn’t give a fuck because his friends need him! he is ready to be a hero, my little baby boy is all grown up and I’m so proud??

Mineta’s face in the bottom right corner is everything. I know, I know, boooo Mineta, but that’s still the best face anyone has made in the entirety of this manga

Tetsutetsu’s out here all “I humbly request to also represent class 1-B” and Momo is all “okay fine I guess we can have two of you guys”

can we all just stop for a moment to appreciate how KamiJirouMomo is alive and well. like, we had interactions between all three of them in this chapter, in all possible permutations? do you know how happy this makes me?? I am vibrating with joy??!

I really can’t stress this enough -- I have no clue at all what these little soda can things are (anesthetic, I guess??? you know, like how you sometimes buy cans of anesthetic at the supermarket?? what do you mean you don’t do that??), or what they’re gonna do with them. I have like negative clues. but DAMNED IF I GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. the next chapter can be them all fucking hurling them at his face for all I care. THE DETAILS OF HOW SHE KICKS HIS ASS DO NOT MATTER!! GOOD MORNING TO YAOMOMO AND YAOMOMO ONLY!! MY MOMO ACADEMIA

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 33

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: What happens after Leo returns? (At Waystation, pt 1234)

A/N:  What is this? A new chapter? I know I probably apologize too much but still, sorry for the long wait! Writer's block is not fun, you guys. It seems that I'm getting more and more insecure about where I should take this story by each chapter, but I did get a couple of encouraging comments while I was writing it and they motivated me to keep going! Extra special shoutout to my bff Cris(sy) for both recommending me the song that eventually helped this chapter to be born, and also helping me edit yesterday because I certainly wouldn't be posting this right now without you. (((((((((huug))))))))))

Disclaimer: The song New Year's Day obviously belongs to Taylor Swift and I definitely recommend listening to it while reading this chapter (specifically the scene where it's mentioned).

Words: 3300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

…

Leo stayed at the park for a while longer, but eventually he knew he had to return to Waystation. The talk with Piper had made him feel a bit better, but he was still worried about how Calypso would react to his meltdown. In his opinion, she had every right to be mad. He would have to explain his behavior, but how? That was the big question.

It was already well past noon when Leo showed up at Waystation again. The building was surprisingly quiet when he entered, hoping the others were looking for him. Usually Georgina was all over the place around this time, sugar high from the chocolate she had eaten and making a mess with her new presents. Luckily, once he had removed his coat and his hat, he started hearing some clunking from the kitchen, indicating someone was there.

Instead of just bursting into the kitchen and announcing that he had returned, he stopped to watch by the doorway. Only Calypso and Georgina were in there, the younger girl chatting enthusiastically while the older one was instructing her with baking. They were standing with their backs towards the door so they couldn’t see Leo. The smell that was coming from the oven somehow felt very familiar… something he associated with Calypso. It wasn’t until she bowed down to take something out of the oven that he realized what it was. The cookies smelled the same as the cake Calypso had baked a few times at their flat, and the shampoo she used: cinnamon-y.

“Look, Georgina!” Calypso showed her the cookies. “These ended up pretty good.” It sounded like she was hesitating a bit before she continued: “Hopefully your brother will like them as well.”

“Oh, he will, Calie! He’d probably like anything you do!” Georgina noted in the straightforward style she was used to.

“But I didn’t make these alone,” Calypso reminded her. “I had a good helper.” She put the oven pan on the table and reached to ruffle the top of Georgina’s hair a bit.

“Where do you think he went, anyway?” Georgina asked. Leo wasn’t sure if he just imagined it but to him she sounded pretty worried. “I’ve not seen him that way often…”

Calypso sounded pretty cautious when she answered. “I’m sure he will be back soon. He must be tired because he’s been working a lot lately and that’s why he’s a bit on the edge… but he wouldn’t want to miss your gingerbread cookies. Hey, what color should we use to decorate these?” She turned Georgina’s focus back to the cookies again. “Do you think pink would be cute?”

“No, I want all the different colors! Blue, red, purple, green, yellow…” Georgina started listing all the colors that she could remember.

“I don’t think we have that many food color bottles here,” Calypso pointed out with amusement. “But you know, we can try to mix some together!”

“That sounds great! Hey, is pink your favorite color?” The girl asked suddenly.

“Hah, what gives me away?” Calypso chuckled. Even the apron she was currently wearing happened to be pink, although Leo knew that was probably purely coincidental because she was using one of Emmie’s aprons.

“You’re always wearing something pink and you even wanted pink gingerbread cookies,” Georgina noted while she started mixing the sugar frosting very eagerly.

“You’re a smart one, aren��t you?” Calypso teased. “I do really like pink, though. I don’t know. Maybe it reminds me of the sunsets back in my childhood home… But lately I’ve noticed that I have quite a lot of red things in my wardrobe too. But what about you? What’s your favorite color?”

Georgina gave Calypso a long and colorful answer, which Leo only half listened to. He started thinking about Calypso’s statement. He wasn’t completely dense; he had noticed that Calypso had often picked those outfits that he may have complimented at some point. But could it be that she had even started using more red because of him? Nah, he shook his head, that was a selfish way of thinking. Her outfit choices were probably purely coincidental.

Suddenly Leo realized that he had been standing there eavesdropping the girls way too long. When he was about to leave, though, he heard Georgina say: “my moms try to hide it from me, but I know that Leo is not OK. I mean, maybe he is, sometimes… but I remember that last Christmas was a lot like this one.”

“What do you mean?” Calypso asked.

“He didn’t yell at anyone, but… when he is in a bad mood he either shuts down and avoids us or is even louder than usual. But between the jokes, he doesn’t look happy at all. Moms would probably say ‘Georgie, you’re too small to understand that stuff’, but I’m not a baby anymore. This one golden haired dude visits us sometimes and he knows a lot about health things and he’s been teaching me as well. I know sometimes people get depressed, if for example something really bad has happened to them. And I think something very bad happened to big bro before he came here.”

“Yeah… sometimes things like that happen, sadly… But you know what?” Calypso said, probably attempting to sound more cheerful. “I think your brother is really trying. He cares about you so much he puts your happiness before his. He doesn’t want you to worry about him. But he’s strong, just like you, right? He’ll pull through.”

At this point Leo felt he had heard enough. He had been expecting some talk about him; after all he had just caused a scene in the middle of the present opening. But to hear Calypso talk about him that way? So sweetly? That he hadn’t expected. He had imagined she’d be mad at him after the ‘incident’ of that morning. Maybe she was just trying to be nice simply to calm Georgina down, but that he would never know.

He slowly started backing up, so that the girls wouldn’t notice his presence. However, just when he was nearly by the stairway, his foot hit a box that someone had left on the floor, making a loud noise. Cursing himself in his head, he quickly looked up to see that the sound had piqued the girls’ interest and they both tried to see where it had come from. He hid upstairs as quickly as he could, but that didn’t change the fact that Calypso most likely knew he had been listening to them.

Great, he thought, as he closed his bedroom door behind him. As if things hadn’t already been awkward enough even before this…

… (Calypso POV)

Once she was done with baking with Georgina, Calypso withdrew into her guest room for some ‘me’ time. She had a lot to think about. Leo hadn’t been around for the lunch, which meant that the Waystation group had been unusually quiet while finishing their meals. She knew everyone must have been thinking about him, but no one dared to bring him up. After the lunch, Georgina had asked Calypso to bake with her and she had agreed, welcoming the distraction. But Leo still hadn’t returned so she had started playing with the idea that she wouldn’t listen to Jo and Emmie’s advice, instead going to look for him after cleaning the kitchen. Before she had gotten that far, though, she had heard him in the hallway, but he had disappeared from there before she had time to even properly see him. However, she knew it couldn’t have been anyone else.

While she was relieved that he had finally come back, one part of her was also kind of mad that he had been eavesdropping and hadn’t even told them that he had returned. She was pretty close to just marching into his room and letting him hear it, but eventually she decided she wasn’t quite ready for that talk yet. If only there was some machine that would allow them to exchange their thoughts without the actual confrontation… But that was a naive thought, Calypso knew.

Finally, she decided that dwelling on the issues the whole day wouldn’t help anything. Since the Waystation family would get some Christmas guests for the evening, she decided that she should probably change out of her baking attire (a simple t-shirt and sweatpants) that had gotten a bit floury despite the apron that had covered it. Thankful for having taken several outfits from her flat (see, Leo, they were useful for something after all, she thought), she was drawn between blue jeans and a white blouse and a pretty 50ies style red dress she had only recently sewn for herself. It had sleeves that reached her elbows, a ribbon around the waist and a v-shaped neckline. Calypso wondered if the dress was a bit ‘too much’ for a family dinner but she liked how it had ended up looking and felt pretty confident in it. That’s why she ended up picking it instead of the more casual option. Besides, a tiny voice said in Calypso’s head, it didn’t hurt that Leo liked that color...

Tying her hair into a small braid pun and adding a ribbon around it, she was finally happy with her look. Then her gaze fell into the silver bracelet Leo had given to her that was still around her wrist. Briefly, she wondered how he’d feel about seeing it after their earlier incident, but she decided to leave it on. She had kind of expected Leo to give her something silly, like a CD of him singing Never Gonna Give You Up or chili seeds as a joke, but the jewelry box and the bracelet had been very thoughtful. Leo really knew how to surprise her – in a good way – sometimes…

Realizing that she had already been spending over an hour in her guest room, Calypso decided it was time to go back to socialize with her hosts. She heard Georgina’s voice coming from the living room and decided to go check up on her. The young girl was sitting by the piano, singing one of those more modern Christmas songs that she herself wasn’t crazy about, but somehow it sounded a lot more bearable when Georgina performed it. But what really surprised Calypso was Georgina’s pianist. Leo was sitting there next to his adoptive sister and focusing on running his fingers on the instrument. For some reason she hadn’t expected him to be musical and especially not interested in playing Christmas songs (Calypso knew he was more of a rock ‘n roll type of guy). She wasn’t sure what to think of this discovery.

Calypso had always loved music and she had even attempted to learn to play the piano with the help of a nanny for a little while, but when her dad had discovered what they did, he had immediately told them to stop. To this day, Calypso couldn’t understand why; she just assumed that maybe her beloved father hadn’t wanted her to learn something so ‘useless’. Thankfully, her voice wasn’t something her father could take from her so she had kept singing mostly out of spite, and became pretty good. Now she began wondering if Leo would ever mind teaching her to play… that was, if they were able to have a normal conversation again.

Georgina’s song ended and Calypso stepped forward to let the others know she was there, applauding the girl.

“That sounded good!” She encouraged her. “I’m not a fan of Christmas songs but you did well.”

“Thanks, Calie!” Georgina beamed at her. “Leo has told me you can sing too. Can I hear some? Please? Leo can play!”

“I… uh… wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Calypso turned to Leo. “Since when have you been playing the piano?”

Leo ignored Calypso’s first remark and replied: “Since I was a kid. Yeah, I bet you thought I’m more like a drum person or something but it was my mom’s idea I’d try this. Well? Are you gonna sing something?” He asked when Calypso remained quiet.

“I don’t really know that many Christmas songs…” she replied hesitantly. “Georgie, do you have any suggestions?”

“I love Taylor Swift’s songs!” the 9-year-old announced. “Do you know any of them?”

Calypso nearly burst out laughing. “Of course I do! She’s one of my favorite artists. But I thought we were going to sing Christmas songs.”

“Nah, I think I’ve already had enough of them,” Georgina stated. “But TS has made some holiday themed songs as well. Like New Year’s Day. I have the piano sheet for it!” The girl showed her a book she had borrowed from the library.

“You’re a real Swiftie, huh?” Calypso couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s enthusiasm. “But fine, I actually quite like that song so I could sing it.”

Leo had been following the conversation quietly but now he took the book from Georgina and eyed the sheet.

“Let me practice a little; I haven’t even heard this song before so I have no idea how to play it.”

“Sure, take your time,” Calypso said carefully. She was relieved to see that Leo was acting that calmly now despite the morning’s incident but she couldn’t help but wonder if that was just the surface. Surely he couldn’t have just completely forgotten about it? She would have to bring it up at some point, but now was not the time. Even when she attempted to read the lyrics her thoughts kept going back to him.

She was so lost in her thoughts that Leo had to raise his voice before she noticed he had stopped playing. “Hey, did you hear me? I asked if you’re ready.”

“What?” she shook her head. “Sorry. I was just wondering something. But yes, I’m ready now.”

Calypso noticed that Georgina kept looking at them curiously, but for once she didn’t say anything.

“Good. Let’s go,” Leo said in a neutral tone.

As she started singing, the lyrics started sinking into her differently than before. Suddenly she felt like she was the narrator, singing about the aftermath of a party she had attended. Even though Calypso wasn’t big on parties, and the latest one she had been in – the Halloween one – hadn’t gone ideally, when she kept picturing herself among her friends that she had gained during her time in Indianapolis, smiling, carrying their shoes because their feet hurt from the dancing, she felt… happy. Adding to that the image of spending time with Leo cleaning up their home while he made his snarky comments and probably tried to sabotage her cleaning process, she felt warm in a way she hadn’t expected. However, she tried to stop that track of thoughts because she realized what it implied. The narrator of the song was singing about her significant other, and Calypso had decided a long time ago that she shouldn’t get one.

As Leo kept playing, Calypso tried to keep her focus on his fingers running on the keys. For a while it worked; Calypso was amazed by how fast they could move, but then again, she supposed that all those years of building things with his hands really helped him develop that skill. Calypso could spot some stains on his hands from the machines he had handled that would barely leave even with soap, and the under nail area could definitely have used some proper scrubbing, but he wouldn’t have been Leo without those things. She couldn’t imagine him not fiddling with something 24/7. That was one of the reasons she admired him; she valued hard work pretty high and couldn’t imagine being with someone who was just sitting still.

”But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away…”

When Calypso reached that part, she felt chills go down her spine because of how well that line described her and Leo’s current situation. He felt lost because of some past traumas. She was scared of both letting him too close and losing him and everything she had gained since that fall. He had turned away from her and his family already twice that day. But there was hope; maybe, if they managed to finally communicate properly, they’d find a way to even deal with the ‘midnights’.

“Hold on to your memories, they will hold on to you.”

Calypso stopped to think about that line. At first her thoughts went to the badmemories such as the times when she had been living with her father. But when she repeated the line, she understood the song was talking about the good memories that would carry you even in your worst moments. Before she knew it, she was filled with flashbacks. Yelling at Leo after Festus broke her desk. The weird warm feeling after she saw the fixed desk. Casually spending time together; cooking, cleaning, playing, watching shows together… That time when Leo had given her the seeds of her favorite flower… The ‘therapy’ sessions… The Halloween party and the almost kiss after that… the weird tension they’d been having ever since that moment… His smiles and laughs… No matter what would happen, she would always hold those memories close to her heart.

Suddenly, Calypso knew. This wasn’t just some infatuation that would go away with time. She had learned to appreciate Leo’s company more and more, the good and the bad sides, to the point that she was now in love with him. Back in August she had thought that they would probably never get along, but to her surprise they had more in common than she had expected and he had become a big part of her life. Lonely, unsure about their futures, past traumas… that’s what tied them together. And even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to deny that what she had been afraid of had already happened.

“And I will hold onto you.”

Those five simple words made Calypso’s voice crack. With frustration she swept the corner of her eyes quickly and attempted to clear her voice for the last lines of the song.

“Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

She looked up from the lyrics with blurry eyes and glanced at the boy with the piano. Some months ago, she had told herself that she wouldn’t let anyone get too close to her. But somehow Leo and all her new friends had just snuck into it, and she couldn’t imagine her life without them. She wanted them to be a permanent part of it, but with so many uncertainties in the future, could she count on it?

“What’s the matter, Cal?” Leo asked when she very clearly had difficulties pronouncing the last few words of the song.

Calypso knew the words she was going to say were probably unfair, but she couldn’t stop herself. The frustrations of that day just demanded to get out. “What’s the matter, Cal?” she mocked him. “I don’t know, Leo. You just… freak out all of a sudden and run away and then you come back and act like nothing happened?! Don’t you understand at all how worried we all are about you?!”

“I…” Leo stammered but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well? Are you gonna explain yourself?” Calypso asked.

“Listen, you need to understand…”

“Understand what, Leo?”

Calypso waited for a little longer, but when the answer never came, she said: “You know what? Never mind. Clearly I was a fool to think that you care about us… about me the same way I care about you.”

“Calypso…”

Calypso turned her back to him and muttered: “I’m going to see if Jo and Emmie need my help with something. Do not follow me.”

In reality, Calypso withdrew into the closest bathroom and finally let the tears come.

[hanamuranobuyuki]

About the Amanda, Jyushi, Jiro, Love, Life series

Today I thought I would try to give a little bit of insight to the ongoing series right now. It’s surprisingly been a couple of months since I began this journey, and with how much I have planned to write for this, it will probably take a few more until I’ve written all that I have planned out. With the sheer length of these works it does take a long time, so I might have forgotten about a loooot of stuff, but I’ll try to list off the things I remember quq. If you’re interested in reading some of these backstories, you can after the line break^^

For those interested in reading the series as it gets updated, you can read it here! I hope you enjoy this!

To be completely honest, I should have been done with this little excursion after writing Amanda’s Journey to Bringing Jyushi Happiness. I thought that this much was enough, and I was having low confidence issues as to whether or not things were likable, if they were in character (or somewhat at the very least...) and the list could go on forever.

But ideas kept popping into my head and what was supposed to be disjointed scenes out of everyday life for Jiro and Jyushi as they manage a long distance relationship after only being together for a day turned into Closing the Distance Between Us..... quite comical if you ask me considering the word count just got longer from there *cries into the distance*

But to tell you the truth, I’m happy I continued this journey despite the challenges. I feel like the way I’m progressing through this is giving it a more complete story that embodies the “circle of life and love” I imagine thanks to Amanda’s existence. This is also the reason why I named the series the Amanda, Jyushi, Jiro, Love, Life series. It’s a circle of connections, founded by Amanda, and it branches off into love for Jyushi and Jiro, which betters their life and/or changes it drastically from what it could have been. So with that kinda pushed out of the way, lemme tell you about some good old background info.

1. Amanda’s Journey to Bringing Jyushi Happiness is not my first Jiroshi fic

... it’s just the first one I’ve completed. After being immersed in the Hypmi fanfic archives and devouring the sweetness that is Jiroshi I started thinking about things I could write. The first one came in the form of Jyushi wearing red lipstick, which to this day I don’t know if I’m making it fluff or more explicit but I was hooked on the idea and... stopped writing 500 words into the work. The second one came in the form of An Outrageous Circumstance. I wasn’t surprised about Buster Bros making an appearance in my strange dreams, but after reflecting on it I realized I could use this and switch Jyushi with me in the dream plot. I fortunately did manage to finish writing that, so if you’d like to read that, you can here.

Amanda’s Journey to Bringing Jyushi Happiness was born from the concept that Amanda has more of an importance to Jyushi’s life than ever imagined. I wondered, what would happen if Amanda had a soul and supported Jyushi? And from there this was born. Initially I was content with leaving it as it was since I didn’t know just how much power I could give Amanda, but they grew on me so much okay? I practically love Amanda as much as I do Jyushi and Saburo. I can’t produce them tho aha... having Amanda as a support person is one of the best things I could write for Jyushi. And I hope people can enjoy this as much as I have.

2. The soulmates concept is mostly forgotten about 90% of the time for me.

Whenever I write more installments I forget that this is kind of a soulmates au, based on the fact that Amanda can see the fated linkage between Jyushi and Jiro. I always imagine this is kinda like a semi rewrite of canon world but at the same time it’s like it’s own little world quq. But whenever I have to stop and think about how much fluff I need to add and just sequential things like that... the soulmates concept come out. I guess I do have to thank myself for actually remembering about it every once in awhile XD

But I will mention that this fate concept will come out more in some of the newer installments. I have prewritten something a little more into the future that heavily talks about the fated pair deal. I hope you’ll look forward to it!

2.1. Why is Jiro the only one that has a fated string?

I wrote this specifically in Amanda’s point of view. If anyone had a fated string, Amanda would believe this person to be Jyushi’s fated partner, because their duty is to look over Jyushi and make sure he receives the happiness he deserves. Amanda cannot see the fated strings of anyone else in the world, because Jyushi is all Amanda truly cares about. Think of it as a special gift Amanda was gifted by the gods for their journey to giving Jyushi his happiness.

From here, I don’t know what else might be important, but I’ll list off some other things that might’ve been written in notes and other things like that.

3. Jyushi has “graduated” high school.

Jyushi’s school circumstances are kinda strange now that I think about it. THINKING ABOUT IT LOGICALLY, Jyushi should be a third year in high school at his age of 18 (or at least... I thought so lmao). Instead, I’ve given him a job and a life outside of school lol. So I’ll just say Jyushi got into school a little earlier than he should have thanks to his parent’s frequent travels abroad. He was raised by his grandmother most of the time, whenever his parents couldn’t stay in Japan. Around middle school, Jyushi transferred to a middle school that was closer to his grandmother’s residence, rather than feed into the middle school his elementary school was joined with, so then the commute from his grandmother’s residence wouldn’t be as problematic.

Amanda was born around this time, and they got to witness the extremely difficult times Jyushi faced. When Jyushi’s grandmother passes, Jyushi moves in with his aunt and uncle who lived in the next town over. Feeling bad about being a nuisance when they were planning on having a family, Jyushi finds a high school with a boarding plan so he doesn’t have to inconvenience them any more than he did. Along with these plans Jyushi also found part time jobs that were allowed in accordance to the school rules. This is where he finds his passion with making music, which is more than just listening to it and singing in general.

Jyushi was fortunate enough that he had his own dorm. Most of that reason came in the form of his “eccentric personality” which came out a lot whenever he was nervous. He had classmates who talked to him, but he didn’t really have friends. With that said and done, Jyushi quietly progressed through school and quietly graduated around his 18th birthday. He was already set with a job though, with the label he is currently under giving him a contract whilst in his third year of high school. The company officially advertises Argo Kishii Gakudan, and Jyushi becomes the lead singer who produces everything on his own. They gain popularity almost instantly thanks to the copious amount of lives they have done.

Technically, Argo Kishii Gakudan was already a couple years old however. They were made up of Jyushi’s upperclassmen that recognized his talent for music, Takeru, Jun, and Keisuke. You will see more of them in Side N. But because they were so small, and had to pay for all their bookings and everything on their own, going out to share their music, even when they were a hit in their frequent live houses, was nearly impossible. Thanks to the backing of their label, Argo Kishii Gakudan was able to perform around the country and do tours. The fateful one that brings Jiro and Jyushi together is their first one to Ikebukuro.

Jyushi in the current day doesn’t have many opportunities to see his mother and father. They’re successful in their own respective companies, and it shows in the way they send copious amounts of money to Jyushi whenever they can’t meet. Jyushi never has used it though, instead saving it and using only his own earnings from his contract and his previous part time jobs.

Sooo that’s my sorry attempt to document the reason why Jyushi doesn’t attend school lmao. And maybe a little insight on Argo Kishii Gakudan lol.

4. Room settings are soooo difficult to envision, especially whenever they’re different from whatever it is you’re looking at

When I started writing Side: I, and even before when I was writing the ending of Closing the Distance Between Us, I didn’t have the image of Jiro’s room to refer to. How I imagined his room was somewhat drastically different, and thanks to that, I ended up not really giving much of a description to those fics. As of today though, I wrote some hefty descriptions of Jyushi’s room because it’s building up on the imagery I had, in combination to Jyushi’s room in ARB.

You’ll get to read it in the next fic I post from this series. Hope you look forward to it!!

5. Music kinda defines a lot of my inspirations to adding to this series

I listen to music all the time while I’m writing. As a result, there are times I get sidetracked based on songs that come to the shuffle. When I wrote Amanda’s Journey to Bringing Jyushi Happiness and Closing the Distance Between Us, I shuffled a lot of the Hypmi music into my playlist, with a focus on Moonlight Shadow XD. But then I started writing Side: I, and then I came across a really inspirational song when I watched a Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics routine. While I don’t really associate with the story this song was for, I love this song enough I played it on repeat for like. 80% of that fic entirely.

There’s a couple lines where Jiro thinks about how some romantic music would be playing in the background if it was a drama of some sorts, and this song was a tribute to the fact I was listening to one song... almost entirely. Please listen to it here.

For Side: I-02, another song was put on replay for a little while as well. I made mention of it in the upload post I did for that fic, but I’ll list it here as well.

I hope you’ll give these tracks a listen one day!

7. Some references kinda inside the fics.

I guess I’ll wrap up this mini list of nonsense by mentioning some things I’ve added into these fics based on inspiration from other things or just in random I guess.

Amanda’s Journey to Bringing Jyushi Happiness: I didn’t know how a love at first sight type of story with soulmates au would work out when I wrote it. I was inspired to write the arcade portion of the date because 1. I wanted to write a kiss segment. And 2. I thought arcade dates would be enjoyable XD.

Closing the Distance Between Us: I never expected this would be in sequential order, like I think I mentioned earlier. I intended on this being more like texting and messaging moments between the two while coping with their long distance relationship. Because of this... I... I don’t really know. I didn’t have an excuse to write this XD I just loved the two and my inspiration was the fuel that was this series? Ahahaha XD

You, Me, and Summer: Side I: a lot of romantic feels fueled this fic, among other things. I was inspired to write a whole lot on Jyushi’s hair routine bc of the tsunami season voice lines on ARB. When I did write this, I was also watching a sports anime called Bakuten. It is a Men’s rhythmic gymnastics anime, and it was what I mentioned when Jyushi watches the anime with Ichiro. The game that they all play is the Game of Life, more or less. I played a few games from the game boy edition just to get a grasp on the game ahaha. But the reason why I added this game was because the ARB event that ran me over with Jiro and Jyushi SSRs. They were event scout SSRs... and the fact that I was drowning in Jiroshi feels only to have MORE thanks to official content even if they weren’t in the same team just made me internally scream and dance all night long.

These two... destroyed my account in more ways than one. I’m now technically a Jiro and Jyushi stan rather than a Saburo and Jyushi stan bc Saburo or Ichiro on that matter never come home. But thanks to this I had to play enough to rank on two accounts. Thus... the one month delay.

Side I-02: because of this event, I decided that they should okay their own human sized Life game. I had to give tribute to the event that wrecked me aha. When I was writing this, I drew something on the side as well. . . And while I’m not sure I like it anymore, I thought I’d share it as well.

One hour of watching the sun rise and not being able to sleep led me to drawing this prototype on a whim. And because I’m a fan of drawing Jyushi’s wardrobe... I thought it would be fun ahaha XD I am a newbie still when it comes to digitally drawing but I am happy at how this turned out!

Finally, I will make mention of the haunted house. While hopping through logs on pixiv, I came across some log that showed how Jiro and Jyushi are scared of scary things, but Jyushi is like a sobbing mess and Jiro is just flat out scared. And later, I heard Jiro react negatively to a horror movie in ARB. When I heard this, I couldn’t resist the temptation! And since technically, Jiro and Jyushi don’t know more about each other than you would think, I thought it was a good opportunity to get them to know something else about them.

Sooo... I think that’s all I can think of right now! I hope you enjoyed learning about some of these small tidbits I could remember when I started working on this series. There’s a lot more to this you can look forward to, and I hope you look forward to it!

I will also apologize in advance for the sheer amount of mistakes there may be. I am my own beta, and I’m usually finishing these up at 5am like clockwork XD whenever I hit a slump in my writing, or miraculously reach the end of this series, I will make sure to clean them up I swear TTuTT thank you for understanding QuQ

If you have any questions, you can ask me here! I’ll try to get to them as quickly as possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

[thehuns-bubble-tea]

So guess who finally wrote the SaiZon essay I promised months ago! @there-is-a-carrot-in-my-ear’s post was the last bit of encouragement I needed so thanks for that lol.

I am going to go episode by episode to talk about all the SaiZon scenes. I am using the official LineTV episodes and some of the translations are a bit weird so I will have to occasionally make assumptions with the dialogue, sorry in advance for that. If I happen to assume wrong or make stretch conclusions forgive me for I only have one brain cell and it’s currently bouncing around my head like a window’s screensaver. I am also going to mention some of the behind the scenes episodes so if you haven’t seen those you might be slightly confused, but I don’t have international links for them so I apologize! Also this ended up being 18 pages long- I AM SORRY.

So let’s start with part one of episode one shall we? The beginning starts off weird as hell, honestly I had forgotten how crack this show was after the last few episodes were so- normal? Anyway we are dropped off in Zon’s dream(???) where he sees Tutor and Fighter being cute, and then an absolute precious Saifah- except it is really weird to start off here. This dream doesn’t seem to belong at the beginning because nothing that sets up this dream has happened yet, which I only realized as I rewatched it. Zon doesn’t know about Tutor and Fighter’s relationship until episode 11 and he doesn’t actually know Saifah yet, so to have Zon have this dream as the literal introduction to the show is a bit of either foreshadowing or referencing the idea that this whole show is a dream/Zol’s novel which I think is quite interesting. I don’t have much else to say about this besides I am incredibly impressed with how well this scene garners interest- it’s like I’m watching for the first time again and I /need/ to understand what is going on. Also the animated Zon freaking out about Saifah getting too close? Mood.

There was no SaiZon part in part two so moving on to part three of episode one! This part starts off with Saifah playing the guitar surrounded by a bunch of girls and Zon walking up from behind, seeing him. As much as I would like to say “love at first sight” this is definitely not that- in fact Zon straight up tells the girls they don’t like each other. Which is fair honestly, these two at the beginning don’t seem to have anything in common. Saifah is an engineering student while Zon is a english(literature???) student so they wouldn’t be able to get close through classes and they don’t seem to share many face value interests (Sai with guitar and soccer, Zon with writing and generally “nerdy” stuff) so it would be easy for them both to write each other off. Definitely not a “I hate him” but more of a “I don’t know him and I don’t want to” kinda situation where unless outside forces brought them together they wouldn’t have even considered entering each other’s lives. So shout out to Tutor and Soda for being mvps! This part also gives us the iconic moment of Zon literally standing on a table to fight Saifah and like??? Hello??? The tension already here is so much- but here’s the thing! Why R U has set up their relationship to be that of “enemies” up to this point, so when you first watch it you’re like “hm Sai is trying to get a rise out of Zon because he thinks it is funny because they hate each other” but what Sai says isn’t necessarily mean. Yes Sai does tease Zon about being bad at everything, but after that he just flutters his eyelashes, calls himself cute, and does that cute little smile up at Zon. There is no real hurt behind his words, if that makes sense? It is very much a teasing jeer at Zon to get a reaction, and the second Zon stands on the table Sai smiles and seems to take pride at the action. He isn’t doing it out of hatred or evil, but more like the joy of seeing Zon riled up. Sai blames his actions on disliking Zon because of reasons they’re currently only alluding to but like- bro get over it? There’s no reason for Sai to act like that if that was his only motive so I call his bluff, he has to already be somewhat interested in Zon. Even if it’s not a crush yet he definitely enjoys Zon’s reactions enough to keep pressing buttons. 

Finally the end of episode one with part four.  Finally! The, also iconic, punch to kiss scene! Sai is smooching the girl Zon is pursuing, it’s upsetting for Zon and Sai is kinda rude about it- then WHAM. Zon, the absolute unit that he is, just fucking decks Saifah. When I tell you I screamed- This is especially important because the thing that finally makes Zon snap is Saifah’s “no one can like you” comment which is so hurtful and man he’s gonna eat his words you can just /feel/ it already. And the punch is completely valid because what Sai did was shitty and honestly Zon had every right to be mad so great moment 10/10. Then we have Sai try to retaliate and first off he misses like a huge dork and then he kinda trips into Zon which leads to them accidentally kissing. Logistically I don’t know how this happened, but who am I to complain? This is of course also Sai’s first experience with a  Zontm reaction and that I think is what causes the shift in Saifah’s head. After that huge exposition piece we have Zon dreaming about Saifah in his bed talking about them being together. All I’m gonna say is- is it gay to dream about your not bro wanting to kiss you? The answer is probably yes.

No SaiZon for parts one or two of episode two, but part three gives us a bit to cover!  First off- the elevator line scene where Saifah literally stares at Zon with the absolute best puppy eyes and lovesick smile is peak cuteness, like?? Hello??? This is the perfect example of what I mean when I say SaiZon were never enemies- like I can’t imagine hating someone and then letting them shoulder bump me with a “hi”. That’s not how enemies act, this is more of a “well we haven’t always gotten along but I’m willing to move on, here let’s try again” type of situation and it’s fucking adorable. Sai seems confident in his own teasing way and Zon is confused as heck, which is so valid. Mind you this is also several months after their accidental kiss so any hot blooded emotions surrounding them has definitely dissipated which means there is now room for them to grow and initiate a friendship, which is what I assume Sai is trying to do. This is also the first time we get “my Zon” and I swear everytime I hear it I astral project into another dimension, so there’s that. Also Sai fulling embracing the fact that these girls ship them is peak bi confidence (I read Saifah as a bi character don’t @ me lmao), that I can only wish to have. Like Sai seems to already genuinely like being around Zon, lightly teasing. I say this because nothing he said was a dig at Zon harshly but more like something I would say about my friends to get them to give me a funny reaction and he gets exactly that. Zon gives him a reaction and then as soon as he’s gone Sai has this very pleased smile on his face. It really feels like Saifah has already decided that he wants to have some sort of relationship with Zon, at this point I wouldn’t call it a crush yet but more like a casual friendship. Then we have Zon daydreaming about Sai asking him to be partners for the music competition thing and again I’m going to ask- is it gay to daydream about your not bro pouting and wanting to be partners? The answer is probably yes. 

Part four of episode two gave us no SaiZon so we move on to part one of episode three! We get a tiny bit of animated Sai talking about flirting with Zon, Zon freaking out you know- the usual. But then we get the stair scene that haunts me. Sai has committed to calling Zon “my Zon” already and I am here for it. His fucking smile after he says it too- boy is enjoying himself. The two fight over whether or not Zon will play with Sai or not and progressively lean into each other’s spaces as they bicker back and forth. Which is valid- Zon doesn’t even know how to play and then to be asked to play with someone he doesn’t really know or get along with, I’d say no too. Anyway Tutor breaks them up drags Sai to class, but not before Sai can say goodbye to “N’Zon” which just really threw me and Zon to be honest. I love that Sai is fully committed to these nicknames and I love how flustered Zon gets because of them- they’re already starting to fall into an ease with each other. Quick note here Saifah tells Tutor that he likes teasing Zon because it makes him happy, which is kinda cute? We see Sai play around with Tor and Day a bit but the way he is with them is vastly different then when he’s with Zon. Again I wouldn’t quite call it a crush yet- but we’re getting there. For now it seems more like an enamoured fascination with this dork of a human. (also real quick side note but I love Soda and would gladly let her step on me--)

Part two of episode three gives us yet another iconic scene- I have dubbed it the gay painc shower scene for obvious reasons. First of all, props to Zon for even grabbing Sai’s towel for him. Like they might not be close, and Sai might tease Zon relentlessly, but Zon is a genuinely good person and I really like that about his character. He doesn’t even hesitate to ask “which one” so he can do that for Sai. But of course Sai has to be a little brat and try to pull Zon into the shower stall with him, causing Zon’s first almost heart attack. Then he crowds Zon up against the wall with the most sensual look and teases him by attempting to remove his towel, giving Zon almost heart attack number two- Sai is seriously a brat and I love it. The funniest part is that this, from my experience at least, is common locker room teasing which Zon clearly wouldn’t know since he’s not in the soccer club-  so having Sai do this to him is clearly a point where Zon’s single working braincell goes into gay panic and just short circuits his system and once again that’s valid. Zon tells Sai no matter what he won’t play with him, man these two eat their own words a lot huh, and Sai tells him it’s really up to him. Also side note here I know Junior did this in hopes of getting Sai to convince Zon to do the talent show thingy but I fully head cannon that Junior realizes there’s /something/ going on between them and forced them into this position, do with that what you will. There is also behind the scene footage of this scene (I can’t find an international link to this specific one rip) but it shows Jimmy and Tommy fake biting each other’s fingers and it’s so cute and weird- anyway all this to say I think this is where we start to see a shift in Saifah’s attitude. He’s the one who mentions being partners, mentions kissing, and Zon being a shy Korean drama lead- he’s a huge romantic so this is where he steps up a bit more. Instead of being just a tease in the way Zon acts it is now a tease about them together, being together, testing waters almost. It’s a huge shift if you really think about it, the only thing that stays constant is Zon’s flustered reactions. 

Part three of episode three once again delivers with panic gay Zon being a fucking dork. This is where we get that ridiculous moment in the bathroom when Zon thinks two dude are doing the do in a stall and presses Saifah into a wall, you know casually. This scene is so weird and just ??? why??? Saifah takes in all in stride though, this kid is seriously getting whipped quick and I relate. Zon just has such chaotic energy that it’s hard not to play along, no matter how mortifyingly embarrassing he is. Also can we talk about how every time Zon leaves an interaction with Saifah, Sai gets the biggest smile? Like that is so precious I can’t handle it, boy is WHIPPED and doesn’t even know it yet!

Part four gives us a little bit of SaiZon.  Zon is distracted by his text conversation (this is not translated so I have no clue what’s being said or who he’s talking to rip) when Saifah comes up behind him. This looks so domestic- like you don’t just do that to someone you barely know, right? Also the fact that Sai can lean over Zon so far when Zon is just sitting is stressful to me. Who gave him the right to be /that/ tall? Anyway Zon goes to stand and Saifah scares him, causing him to trip backwards and have the first of many time where Sai holds Zon up and it’s romantic as heck- They both instantly know where to hold each other, and then gaze at each other’s faces I just ??? I’m short circuiting honestly. This is also the first indication to me that Sai is developing some form of feelings because he keeps looking at Zon’s eyes and lips, and that’s valid. Of course Zon ruins the mood by pushing him away but they both look hurt this time. Sai looks hurt even asking if Zon’s serious about not playing together and it’s the first time we see Sai be any bit vulnerable. He seems to genuinely hurt by the idea and it makes Zon shuffle a bit before leaving. Even when he’s gone Sai looks upset and even comments on how Zon falls easily- which is really cute. This is our first glimpse at the Saifah that seems a bit more like the hopeless romantic we get towards the end of the series, a stark contrast to the overly confident perfect boy persona he uses around the campus. 

No SaiZon in part four of episode three or part one of four so on to part two-  We get the music partner reveal! And to Zon’s credit he doesn’t immediately turn around and leave. Instead he is actually committed to this and Sai, to his credit, doesn’t make him feel weird. They take the fan page photos and they’re both clearly out of their element here, they’re shy and awkward and it’s precious. They’re both coming to this realization that they’re really doing this- being partners and committing to each other basically. They both seem determined but also terrified of what that means. I love it- because this isn’t about them just yet but more of their shared responsibility to Soda now that they both can’t back down. It’s a good foundation because right now they’re on equal footing, neither really has the upper hand. Soda, my queen, to her credit is trying to get them to see that their arguing isn’t going to help anyone here and it’s a fair point. They’re going to be stuck together for two months (why was I under the impression this whole time it was much longer?)  and they both agree to at least attempt. I love how genuinely awkward these scenes are because like I’ve said before they were never enemies but also never friends, they don’t know much about each other yet so it’s weird. What do they talk about, what are their boundaries, they don’t know and I love it. It is the perfect foundation for a fresh start for both of them to learn about each other and build a strong bond. We get a bit of Sai trying to teach Zon guitar strings and it’s a nice moment. They’re both getting comfortable with the other and then Sai plays the love song for Zon- you think Zon’s going to be set off by the moment but instead he teases Sai! He confidently both compliments Saifah and teases, it’s growth! Then Saifah settles to help Zon learn to strum, a moment where they’re very intimately pressed together and have an almost kiss. This is the first time they do the lip bite thing that I noticed they do when they think about kissing the other- and this is the first time that I think they realize their feelings aren’t just basic acquaintances. For Zon he feels something but he is also hung up on the idea that this is all Zol’s book. He is scared because he doesn’t know if these moments, these feelings are real or not. For Saifah I think he is really starting to understand how he feels for Zon, but thinks that Zon doesn’t and will not feel the same. But Sai isn’t the type to push so he just lets it go for now. Then we get the cute montage of them getting closer and teasing in more of a friendly way- again this is just solidifying in our minds and theirs that there is something growing between them. Right now it’s just a natural friendship, but is also hinting at more deep feelings. This is the part that I love the most about SaiZon- this was never a love at first sight relationship, it is one born out of something incredibly natural. They grow into each other and themselves. We start to see Saifah get more comfortable with his dorky side, and Zon gets more confident in himself because of their time together. It’s a breath of fresh air how easily they settle into the other’s presence. And of course we also get the gay pining bed scene and I, for the third time shall ask is it gay to daydream about your new bro laying in bed with you? The answer is probably yes. 

Part three of episode four gives us the iconic guitar pick date (yes I understand I keep saying iconic but with SaiZon what isn’t?). This entire scene is just the cutest thing? They fall into each other so easily and they seem to have tons of fun goofing off. It reminds me of my friends and I going to shopping centers just to window shop and be together. It’s so incredibly natural and shows that they’re becoming so much closer then what they started out as. Nothing is over the top or unrealistic, instead it’s effortless and an absolute joy to witness. There’s even a deleted scene where two girls come up to ask for a photo (which is weird but whatever) and Zon gets so lost in his head about how close Saifah is- it really is a defining moment in my mind that Zon is torn. Torn between believing that his feelings are real and that this is all just being a dream from Zol’s novel. I kinda wish this scene hadn’t been deleted because it takes away from Zon’s internal struggle. When they have their little heart to heart and Zon admits that Sai is actually a good person my soul leaves my body. It is so cute and demonstrates that these two have started to grow past their initial judgements of each other and more into learning the intricacies of the other. Anyway it’s cute and I love them, moving on. 

Now on to part four of episode four. This gives us the scene that fully convinces me that Saifah is just a big softly. Sai walks into the practice room to see a mess and Zon is asleep on the floor. Instead of being a brat and waking him up, Sai quietly goes around and cleans everything up because he is peak soft boy he just won’t admit it. When he does accidentally wake Zon they’re both just absolute cuties- the way Sai’s face falls when Zon said he was just kidding about wanting to wait for him- my boy is WHIPPED. But here’s the thing, and I’ll come back to this point in a bit but, the way Sai never pushes Zon on anything. It’s clear that Sai is really starting to crush on Zon the way he treats him and acts but any time Zon pulls away Sai just lets him. That’s so refreshing, especially in contrast to the way TorFight act in parallel to SaiZon. There is never an expectation for Zon to meet Sai’s desires and Sai takes only what Zon is willing to offer, and I appreciate it so much. Anyway their little collective panic when Sai tries to take Zon to his room is hilarious they’re both on such different pages and they really are just dorks. And then we have the typical in the rain sequence- oh my gosh- I love some good classic tropes and this is one of them. Once again we see Saifah just be an absolute romantic, he doesn’t even hesitate to take off his jacket to cover Zon and himself. I just- that’s peak romance for me my dudes. Both me and Sai are whipped and that’s just facts. Then Zon (somehow??) forgets how to stand on two legs and trips yet again and we have another close contact scene, but this time there noses touch and Zon’s reaction isn’t nearly as visceral as it has been- it’s almost like he likes the attention up until his mind thinks it’s too close to a novel and he gets scared. 

On to episode five’s part one! Zon is finally in Sai’s room and we get the cute hair drying scene that Zon doesn’t appreciate as much as I do- anyway Zon is freaking out and Saifah doesn’t fully understand what he’s babbling on about but still gets his chance to tease. It is once again cute and effortless, I crave more of this (SaiZon special episode I’m looking at you). Sai is getting a bit more confident with his advances but always pulls back the moment Zon freaks, it’s completely them. And then we get them waking up in each other’s arms, the screaming, Zon being an absolute moron. This is why these two are /the/ couple for me. Like no one else could pull this scene off nearly as well as them, it’s great. Also Saifah pulling a 2Moons2 Kit and just yeeting Zon off the bed? Iconic, that’s it that’s the analysis. 

Part two of episode five has a moment that’s not a SaiZon scene but I do feel like it’s important in their relationship- Zol tells (well lies but Zon doesn’t know that-) about changing the story after their promise/wish/curse. This is the point where Zon can finally take what he has been experiencing and feeling in for the first time with a clear head. It’s no longer “possibly” influenced by supernatural forces because of Zol. This is when Zon decides “oh this is real, these feelings are real”, and you can tell that the way Zon acts around Saifah is considerably more calm and open to Saifah’s advantages to a point. Occasionally he still talks about it everything being similar to a fiction but he isn’t held back by it nearly as much. Then we get SaiZon practicing in the music room again and being interrupted by Natee and Junior, they kinda make Zon nervous about the show- until Saifah steps in. He confidently tells Zon he believes in him and that he will be there for him and I just- oh my god?? That’s so soft and I swear Saifah is the biggest soft boy ever who is willing to do anything to lift Zon up and that’s precious. They really are slowly starting to get on the same page. 

Moving on to episode six part two (this is where we start to see less SaiZon due to the pandemic limiting their filming time)! This episode gives us Zon asking Sai on a guitar buying date. And lemme tell you the way these two act? WHIPPED. They both get so shy and tease the other the perfect amount, they really have grown into each other in ways I don’t think any of us expected. The cute little happy dance they do when they agree and hang up? Boyfriends, just like ??? hello??? Mind you they agree to go the Saturday before the show so they have now spent almost the full two months together- I can’t even believe it. They have had this relationship grow for two months and we’ve only been able to see glimpses, just imagine what we don’t get to see! Anyway we see Saifah being peak baby all bundled up sharing headphones with Zon- which is like peak romance for me I won’t even apologize. And then the pure excitement Saifah has when Zon suggests he stays over at Saifah’s- WHIPPED. He even suggests that there might be something between them when Zon questions their closeness, but the moment Zon wants to change the subject Sai follows his lead, like I’ve mentioned before Sai is not one to ever push Zon for more because he respects Zon so much. 

Part three of episode six gives us the rooftop scene! The lingering looks! “The stars are beautiful.”, “It is beautiful-” as Saifah looks at Zon with those soft eyes! THE GAYS ARE PINING. And then them playing together. I am crying??? I can’t even form sentences, I can’t analyze, I just am going to sit here for a moment and think about how this romance is goals. That’s it. 

Part four is full of SaiZon just being huge teases. Saifah confidently pulls Zon into him, asking if Zon is afraid of falling in love with him and I just- the way Zon looks at Sai? He’s already in love, and no I don’t take criticism. That’s it, that’s the analysis. 

Part one of episode seven is the scene that made me want to write this essay- we have Zon and Saifah in the most intimate scene yet for them. It really is just a back and forth between them that is simple and wholly them. And then it shifts- Zon is looking at Saifah so softly, and is easily going along with what Saifah is doing with no hang ups. Saifah is looking up at Zon like he’s hung the stars and it’s the perfect moment. “You’re being so obedient, be like this more often. I like it”, “I like it too”, even the music is just perfect, but right at the last second Zon looks away. “I didn’t mean I like you.” and Saifah clearly looks disappointed, everything leading up to this was pointing in this direction and it didn’t happen. Saifah very clearly has feelings, he isn’t even trying to be subtle anymore, but not once does Saifah push for more. He backs off and settles down into a level that matches Zon’s comfort zone, because he cares about Zon’s comfort more than his own feelings. They have a moment for the comfort to level out once again and then they’re back to their usual selves. They’re back onto an equal field where they’re both just being themselves together- and they have another almost kiss that Sai does try to play off. Zon is still a bit spooked but it is still another testament to Saifah’s respect of Zon’s boundaries. This is where yet another deleted scene happens that I desperately wish they kept- it shows Zon fast asleep grab at Saifah until he’s completely draped over him. Saifah holds him, very similarly to a scene we will get to shortly, and the smile on Sai’s face? This boy is so in love but also so careful with Zon’s limitations, that just being able to hold Zon is enough to put him at ease. And we were ROBBED of it. Why R U editors turn on your location, I just wanna talk-

Part two of episode seven gives us the most cursed scene that, like Zon, I wish I could forget. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it but the second hand embarrassment is excruciating so for the sake of my sanity I’m gonna kinda gloss over it? Zon sees Sai’s boner, it causes Zon’s single brain cell to explode, that’s it- MOVING ON. On the bright side it also gives us SaiZon’s first public performance together. I assume this is to hype up the actual show, I don’t really care, all I care about is how earnest Saifah is with Zon. Zon is terrified of performing and Saifah is there to cheer him on. He is willing to let Zon leave if it means Zon will be more comfortable and he genuinely doesn’t want to push Zon into anything. Zon finally calms down enough to agree to stay and sing- and then Saifah starts rubbing his hands to give some comfort. The dialogue in this scene will forever go down as one of my favorite exchanges ever- “Are you okay with having me beside you?” SAIFAH HONEY. This one sentence holds everything in it. Is it okay that Saifah tried to kiss him? Is it okay that he got turned on? Is it okay that Saifah clearly has some sort of feelings for Zon? AND ZON SAYS YES. I just, I will never recover. It’s a very cute moment that they share, a sort of understanding that they share now that doesn’t really change what they have already, just gives some clarity to their current situation. And then the performance they give? It’s wonderful. What more can I say?

And now we’re getting to the good stuff- episode eight, part one. Sai is able to sneak read a bit of Zon’s writing, Sai trying to make himself look not suspicious is so funny, but the absolute angle Zon lets him get away with it. Then they have a cute back and forth about Sai wanting to sleep over at Zon’s place, it’s precious and shows that since the last time Zon seems a bit more comfortable with the obvious flirting and even does some himself. “Otherwise I’ll kiss you.” Saifah being bold as fuck and Zon not running away? That’s what we call growth! Then when Saifah is actually at Zon’s home and they’re telling his parents about the music show they are in full support, Zon’s mother and Saifah both teasing him about his name’s meaning. It’s light hearted and fun and I appreciate how cool Zon’s parents seem to be with their son’s and Saifah’s relationship (thus far). But them being so okay with his joining the music show compared to how unsupportive about his writing hurts, both me and Zon. When they’re in his room Zon is visibly upset with how his parents have handled his passions and Saifah is doing his best to cheer him up. Giving him some comfort, and this is where he admits to reading a few chapters of Zon’s fiction and Zon looks shattered. He is so afraid it’s bad because no one will support him, encourage him until Saifah tells him he actually liked it. That if he wants to keep writing he can count on Saifah to read it and it’s so touching because Zon finally has someone who believes in him. They have this really longing moment of just staring into each other’s eyes and it’s so soft and just full of pining. EXCEPT once again there’s a deleted scene we were ROBBED of. (Why R U’s editing team is out to hurt me apparently) In the deleted scene there was supposed to be a kiss to end the longing stares, this would be their first real kiss. And as much as I would have /loved/ that I can understand wanting the other scene being /the/ moment, but it doesn’t make me wish this scene hadn’t been cut any less. 

The next three parts of episode eight I’m going to talk about in one piece because it is basically one long scene that’s just cut into parts. (Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) We have finally gotten to /the/ moment they’ve been leading up to this entire show, the music performance. When we start Zon is asleep and Saifah has arrived with food, trying to wake him up and only successful when he manages to kinda kiss Zon. They bicker a bit in their normal way, Zon whines about wanting an egg and Saifah gives his up happily. It's freaking adorable and the quality content I signed up for. Soda puts them in their performance outfits. They have a weird little fashion show that just makes me love Tommy and Jimmy with all my heart, you know the usual. And then the time gets closer to their performance- Zon is, rightfully, nervous and is having a little breakdown in front of Saifah who is trying his absolute best to calm him down. It’s a touching scene because you can tell that Sai doesn’t really know what to do to help but is seriously trying, and then Zon asks for some encouragement. Saifah wrapping his arms around Zon and hugging him is a scene that I will never recover from. Saifah is so confident in Zon’s skills and very clearly wants to perform with Zon that he’s willing to just hold the nervous kid in his arms until he calms down. It’s really touching and romantic and just perfect. It does the trick and they’re able to perform without a hitch. (I would like to say at this point I have been working on this essay for two days and have decided to throw alcohol into the mix so if I start going off the rails- whoops?) The actual concert is super lovely, like Tommy can sing don’t even @ me because I could listen to these two sing and nothing else and I would be completely happy with that, and when they go to do their thank you speeches my heart swells. Hearing Zon heartfully thank Saifah for doing this with him and then to hear Saifah ask every one to cheer for “my zon” one more time, it’s the pinnacle of romance. I don’t even think that they know how it looks to an outside viewer because they’re so lost in their own world. To them this wasn’t about the concert anymore but them proving themselves to each other, something so meaningful to them because without this moment being the huge lead up they would never have been anything more than people who shared mutual friends and “hated” each other. Without this concert neither would have taken steps to bring them closer, to this peak. And that is exactly what the concert is, it’s their peak because it’s the tipping point for their relationship. Any hesitation from either at this point would break it all down. And so when the two of them head backstage and they have this magical moment- this is it. Zon is complaining about the strings hurting his fingers so Sai softly blows on them to soothe the pain, it’s simple, quiet, and breathtaking. “Why are you so nice to me?” It's such a simple question, Zon’s eyes are filled with stars and he might not thinking that he’s going to get a good answer. “Because you already have my heart.” That’s it. Nothing Saifah could have said would top this. It leaves no questions, this is it for Saifah- he is throwing in everything at this moment and Zon just stares at him. He doesn’t flinch at the kiss Saifah leaves on his forehead, instead he puts his hands on Saifah’s cheeks and pulls him closer so he can kiss his nose. It’s not words that either need now because they just understand. They’ve taken the chance and it’s real now. Them just brushing noses in comfort is enough, but then they go all out. They /finally/ have their first /real/ kiss and it’s a culmination of everything they’ve been through and felt up until this point. I’m sure everyone has seen the behind the scenes clip of the pd calling them out for not following the script. Supposedly it wasn’t supposed to be so passionate but more of a quick peck, but this- what they gave us was nothing short of perfection. This kiss is a solidifier for everyone, especially Zon who has struggled internally this whole time about whether this is real or not. This is a confirmation that Zon’s feelings, now I might be reading a bit too into it/self projecting onto Zon, are valid. Zon and Saifah, as far as we know (I haven’t read the novel either btw), are presumably perceived as straight hell they may have thought they were straight up until they developed feelings for each other. Saifah develops his feelings confidently, he isn’t ashamed or shy about them. Like everything else in his life he takes it and makes it his own and that is completely valid. But for Zon it is a struggle the whole way through. He’s scared and he overthinks, over analyzes everything, and shys away from Saifah’s advances until now- a common theme found in many unsure/closeted queer kids. And THAT is also valid. They’re both so completely different and yet they fit together in ways that I don’t even think they knew was possible. The way they play off each other, can read the other, knows what to do or say- it’s the perfect amount of them. 

Episode nine is purely TorFight and part one of episode ten gives us only crumbs of SaiZon, but they are crumbs I would die for. It’s a couple of minutes of a sleepy Zon being cuddled by Saifah. Nothing fancy, nothing overly sexual, just the domestic bliss of these two holding each other. Once again it’s a testament to how made they are for each other. In any other drama (and I say this with affection to all the other bls I have consumed) this wouldn’t fly- this slow progression isn’t the norm for these types of shows and that’s why it’s so damn refreshing. Saifah in all his suave bad boy persona, is truly just a hopeless romantic that wants to hold his boyfriend in his arms for as long as he wants. Zon for all his shy avoidance of anything romantic, just enjoys having Saifah by his side. There is no one party pushing for more, no one party aggressively making moves that are unwanted. It’s just these two content in taking it slow and basking in the warmth of it, 

Again for episode eleven we only get a little bit of SaiZon in part four, but that’s fine. It’s especially fine because it’s like every good sick fic I’ve ever read put into canon. Need I say more? It’s soft and cute, Saifah being a whiny sick baby while Zon takes care of them is peak devastation. I really have nothing to say here except thinking about this scene gives me a hundred and one fic ideas and melts my cold dead heart. Moving on. 

Episode twelve has a bit of SaiZon but outside of them being totally whipped and wearing matching outfits to the beach I don’t have anything to say? Like I could just scream about the fact that they’re cute but if you’ve made it this far I would hope you already know that, so I’m gonna carry on to episode thirteen- hope you don’t mind!

The finale- episode thirteen. Once again I’m going to just talk about it as a whole rather than split it up because this episode also follows like one central moment in time rather than having huge time breaks in between. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) Now we can get into the quintessential moments that define why I think SaiZon is one of the most superior relationships in media I’ve ever consumed. We are thirteen episodes in, we know these characters. They have grown into each other in front of us and this episode shows it in such a poetic way. When Sai and Zon get to their room at the hotel Sai is quick to tease Zon about his “duty” (for future reference if I ever hear someone say duty in reference to sex I might just cry) that night and of course in typical Zon fashion he gets a little antsy. But it doesn’t stop there like it would have earlier, instead Zon uses his nerves to turn the tables. He initiates a kiss with Saifah! Leaving both Saifah and I stunned in the process before teasing and dragging him out for their cute little beach date montage. Now mind you I am gay and love the beach so this shit hits hard for me. Like they’re being your typical love sick characters, Saifah stealing a few cheek kisses to Zon’s surprise, they goof off on a boat(?), they have those dumb couples clothes on- it’s really over the top cute like what else can I say. You want proof love exists? Here you go. Anyway they’re cute, it’s lovely, moving on. They have, I can only imagine this as a very strange double date, dinner with TorFight some bickering happens- again your typical drama moment it’s not too special. Until we get back to the bedroom. Now I have seen a lot of queer media in my life and with that comes your natural tropes (I say tropes fondly because I tend to like most tropes), and that’s what I was expecting. But no, I have never seen anything so purely born out of natural instinct and emotion in my life. Saifah sitting at the edge of the bed strumming a nameless song out of nerves, Zon trying to get his attention in the dorkiest way possible. Once again this is so totally and utterly /them/. I can’t picture anyone doing the way they did, selling that natural awkwardness that comes from your first time with someone you love? Fuck man. Saifah is finally all out of the confidence he normally has, instead he’s avoiding Zon and the prospect of the night by playing the guitar. It makes sense too because this is his first time doing this with someone that he loves, and his first time with a guy which is another added layer of nerves. It’s a lot for both of them, but Zon seems to be actually interested now- finally starting to make moves himself because he knows for a fact Sai isn’t going to push in fear of spooking Zon. And then we get the real moment that really changes everything, “You have music in your heart, don’t you want to have Zon in your heart?” This is it- this is the moment they’ve both been waiting for. Zon already has Saifah’s heart, he has for a while I believe, but this question is what tells Sai that Zon is ready too. They want the same thing, each other. Now we get one of the best build ups I have ever experienced. If you're watching just at face value it might seem a bit strange but every action is deliberate. @spookshowenilorac and I have this running theory that Zon doesn’t close his eyes during some kisses because he is afraid that if he does it will all disappear, it’ll be just a dream from Zol’s fiction (and anytime one of us mentions it I tear up). He’s been so afraid for so long and this moment does feel like it’s out of a dream, it’s overwhelming in passion and over thinking. But the moment Zon accepts it as real it progresses. Mind you, as I’m sure you already know, the tongue in these kisses was not scripted. This is purely Tommy and Jimmy giving this scene and these characters everything they had. It just feels right, after everything these two have been through, and to not have that level of intimacy would have left this scene hollow. The passion and dedication Mii2 gave SaiZon is unparalleled. But that’s not it is it? No, they take it even farther. The promises they make each other? “I promise that I will only have you.” “I’ll give in only to you.” The unscripted tears and voice crack? Nothing can or will top that. I’m sorry but that is /love/. This isn’t based on lust or desire or just purely passion, what Saifah and Zon have is so palpable you can almost feel it. I don’t think any words in our universe can explain the raw emotion that just envelopes this scene in particular. And to know half of it was unscripted and Mii2 just felt like this was what was needed, what the characters would have done is so validating? Just knowing that both Tommy and Jimmy see it too, how this scene needed to play out this way in order for Sai and Zon to have their story complete is unprecedented. Again I wish I had the words to describe it better but I just don’t, so I hope you can understand at least the surface level of what I’m trying to get at here. Anyway let’s move on before I combust by the pure emotions in the bed scene to the next bed scene! This is where Zon and Saifah wake up the morning after, and when I say this is yet again peak devastation I am not kidding. They’re so bright and loving with each other in their typical teasing manner. Saifah steals a cheeky kiss from Zon and demands a kiss on his cheek, of course Zon tries to mess around refusing, then kissing, then refusing when Sai asks for more. It’s light hearted and the emotional levity we all needed. Especially with the dazed look Zon has, I think here is when he fully understands and accepts that Saifah and this feeling isn’t a dream. This is real and his to keep. The passion between them hasn’t died down but their relationship isn’t solely based on it being so aggressive either. They excel in these in between moments, the give and take of both a teasing joke and a desire to be together. It’s not as primal as the love TorFight have, but that doesn’t make either any less valid. It’s the fact that they’re such vastly different relationships that makes me admire this show more. The contrast between the two really highlights that no two relationships are the same, just like no two people are the same and that’s a wonderful message. Moving on from that very domestic scene we get the beach kissing scene (yes I’m skipping a tiny bit because I have nothing to say about SaiZon walking in on TorFight besides gay solidarity baby!). First of all I wanna point out that their outfits are peak gay culture, like I can see @travelersmindpalace and I wearing the exact same outfits during our next beach date and it /hurts/. This is also where I point out that I have a weak spot for height differences and holy shit does SaiZon deliver. The way Zon has to kinda tippy toe to kiss Sai or have Saifah lean down a bit- I’m whipped. They also thank each other for coming into their lives and I had to pause for a good few minutes to have a nice little cry over that. Like??? How??? How are they so pure and sweet after everything- I really can’t fathom it. And they do that soft little nose bump thing before they kiss- my gay heart can really only take so much of this without crying over them. They truly are the pinnacle of relationship goals. I don’t know how else to say that? They really just are so encouraging of each other, the boundaries they set up are respected, there’s never a moment of an imbalance of power, they just have a healthy relationship that’s based on trust and understanding. I hope in the in the future we get more shows depicting a relationship like this.

This was a lot and I am sorry for the word dump?? If you made it this far I love you and I beg you to scream about SaiZon with me- and with that I’m done!

[mellomedia]

Youth Culture

For Media & Society’s first blog post, our class watched Euphoria, Mid90s, Mean Girls, Kids, and The Breakfast Club. If you haven’t figured out the theme yet, it’s youth culture. Most of these films were set in the 80s and 90s before this current generation. This is the first generation where our lives are saturated by mobile technology and social media (Divecha, 2017). But no matter what generation, youth culture has many common behaviors, or misbehaviors.

Often when I watch a film or read a comic book, I wonder if I relate to the story or anyone in it. I looked for anything in common I might have with one of the characters in the five films we watched. I can identify with Ray from Mid90s the most. I’m not a die-hard skateboarder like Ray. In fact I can’t skateboard at all, but I dedicate all my time and energy into art and animation. While we have different interests, I can relate to Ray’s passion for something he enjoys and the energy he puts into it. Ray is the top skateboarder in his group and practiced every day. All my spare time is spent drawing and taking online animation courses. My goal is to always do better than what I did yesterday. Words to describe Ray would be the same way I describe myself: down to earth, not concerned with fitting in, my own person, caring, always willing to help, and a very loyal friend. When Stevie joins the skateboard crew in the film Mid90s, he finally digs up some money to buy Ruben’s old, used skateboard. Stevie gets injured while attempting an insane jump over a hole in a roof and breaks his skateboard. Ray sees how much Stevie is trying to fit in, no matter how many falls he takes, he gets back up. Ray has a big heart and builds Stevie a new skateboard. As I mentioned, I’m not a skateboarder, but I enjoy trying to make people smile with my art. I enjoy drawing a cartoon of a friend to help them to get out of a funk or just listen to whatever it is they are going through. 

These films all share a few common themes. One theme is belonging. I admit I looked up the term “fitting in” and it was compared to belonging. Fitting in is defined as to be like other people in a group – what they wear, how they act, how they look. (Pace, 2018) Belonging is a basic human need – it is about acceptance – being where you want to be and being where you are wanted (Pace, 2018). A few examples are Stevie (Mid90s) wants to be accepted into the skateboard crew; Brian (The Breakfast Club) brings a flare gun to school as a suicide attempt because he didn't feel he was good enough; and Cady (Mean Girls) is the new girl trying to get accepted by The Plastics.

My freshman year in high school definitely falls into the theme of belonging. I struggled with speech and have a learning disorder. And at the time I had zero confidence in socializing. I’d walk over to a group of kids in the cafeteria just to try to get involved in the conversation, but I couldn’t form sentences quick enough to jump in. I would be the weird kid just standing there. One day my speech therapist asked me what I wanted to improve and I told her I wanted to gain confidence in socializing. She told me the best way to do this would be to just try to talk to more people. Well in high school that worked with some kids, but not all. I’ll never forget one day in the cafeteria I was trying to find a place to sit and eat lunch. I saw an empty chair at a table where a ‘friend’ was sitting. The group was taking turns roasting one another. At one point another kid challenged me. I was doing fine until he said, “You know people are only nice to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.” That hurt like hell. He was referring to my speech impairment. I got up from the table and walked away. And that ‘friend’ at the table didn’t defend me at all. One girl came running over to make sure I was alright. I was pissed and hurt. I was not alright. Just so you don’t think I went off the deep end and had a miserable high school experience, I actually gained a great friend in high school that day. Alex, who was a senior, saw me leave track practice early. My head just wasn’t into track, so I went to sit in the empty cafeteria hoping to clear my head. He asked how things were going and I told him what happened that day. He told me, “It’s not easy finding out who your real friends are. But don’t change for anyone and don’t try to be like anyone else. Just be you.” I’ll never forget how he took the time to talk to me. After his advice, I could care less about belonging.

Another common theme between all five films is rebellion. When they aren’t skateboarding, most of the characters in Mid90s spend their time partying, drinking, and doing drugs. In The Breakfast Club, each character is in detention because they rebelled in some way. Why else would they be in detention? Every character in Kids was a rebel, actually more like a criminal. I bet the writer of the film was too.

A third theme is “bro” culture. “Bro” culture is defined as people who are bullies but at the end of the day they have your back, like a brother (Sloothunter42, 2018). Two great examples of “bros” are John (The Breakfast Club) and Ian (Mid90s). Throughout The Breakfast Club, John constantly insults the other kids in detention. He even insults the principal. The group escapes detention to wander the hallways. When the principal sees them, John saves the group by telling them to go back to the library while he distracts the principal. This link shows you the scene I’m explaining: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Iq7MRlHg5I (Hughes, 1985). Not something you would have expected from a bully, but you would from a “bro.” In Mid90s, Stevie’s brother, Ian, beats the crap out of him every chance he gets. But when Stevie is laying in a hospital bed after a car accident, his brother is there by his side. He even shares his precious orange juice.

Now onto one of my favorite things in life, music! I put together a playlist that relates to my adolescent experience. In no particular order, here are 10 songs and what each means to me. But let me point out that some song lyrics mean something to me, while with other songs it was the energy it gives off. I’m all about positive energy. First song is “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra. I first heard this song during the movie Guardians of the Galaxy. This song kept me motivated and positive during high school. If I was having a bad day, this was my ‘go to’ song. I also listened to it every day on my way to school. Next is “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley, a.k.a. CeeLo Green. This song reminds me of my mind, imagination, and the stuff I think about. I always have a trillion things going on in my head. I guess that explains my poor focus skills and super procrastination. “Inner Ninja” by Classified is another upbeat song. A few lines that always stuck in my head are, “I find my inner strength and I re-up; Here we go, I know I've never been the smartest or wisest; But I realize what it takes; Never dwell in the dark cause the sun always rises.” My junior year of high school I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It has and still is life-changing and as much as I don’t let it change who I am, I’m human. But as the song says, don’t dwell on the negative, look for the positive. I always remind myself of the positive. “Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce always fueled my brain when I was tired of doing homework or studying. To me the lyrics mean to keep moving forward no matter how difficult. Just look at what your goal is and don’t give up. Plus this song has one hell of a guitar solo that is very motivating. Michael Jackson is one of my favorite artists and “Man in the Mirror” reminds me how important it is to try to do good in the world and make a positive change. Regardless of culture, color, religion, and disability, we are all capable of making good changes in the world. I tried this on a much smaller scale in high school by volunteering at the food pantry and community events. “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz is one of many songs by this group that I like. It’s not so much the words I relate to, but I love the animation in their music videos. I remember the first time I saw one of their videos I thought how cool and mysterious it was that we only see the singers as cartoons. We are never shown who they really are. I like the fact that it’s different. Different is good in my world. “Intergalactic” by Beastie Boys reminds me of breakdancing and dancing in general. I love to dance and looked forward to every prom and homecoming dance at high school. “Without Me” by Eminem reminds me that no matter how much people criticize you, you can be very successful at what you enjoy doing. The last song on my list is “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand. To be honest, I just like the beat of the song and it’s one of those songs I listened to over and over in high school.

So that wraps up my Youth Culture blog. I hope it gave you a better understanding of how I relate to the assigned films. But let me make one thing clear, I do not relate to anything in the film Kids. Not one thing.

Below is my self portrait of what goes through my mind. 

Artwork by: Marcello Laudato

[trensu]

Episode 43: The One where WWX is Soft for Children and Bunnies

we're still in the forbidden chamber

wwx has his detective cap on and is being clever

the lan bros are listening attentively as they should be

wwx: jgy is a sneaky conniving bastard blah blah he vandalizes evil music books blah blah

lots of boring plot talk basically

i'm sitting here like, *sigh* so pretty wwx so pretty

which is what i imagine lwj does all the time...

lol wwx goes to lxc and is like, no offense bro but jgy was a skilled spy during the war who was able to infiltrate and memorize wen ruohan's stuff in their secret chamber. invading this one would've been a piece of cake for him

and lxc is like well damn, guess i better test out all this evil music and see if it actually works

lxc: i'll just test the evil magic music on myself. yep. that way no one gets hurt and that couldn't possibly backfire on me at all

lwj: bro

lxc: bro. i gotta do this bro to clear my bae’s i mean friend's name

LOL lxc is like you all see jgy this way but i see him in a totally different way

YEAH WE KNOW, THAT'S THE PROBLEM

LOLOLOL OMG

lxc turns to gaze off into the middle distance and is like, the jgy in my heart is kind and benevolent blah blah

and behind him wwx crosses his arms and all but rolls his eyes LIKE DUDE YOU'RE COMING TO THE WRONG PERSON FOR SYMPATHY. I'M THE ONE THAT GOT KILLED FOR THINGS YOUR BF DID

oh this moment's interesting

lxc is like, can't you allow me to be cautious about making this decision? 

and lwj takes a step towards him, ready to speak but wwx grabs his upper arm and stops him with a shake of his head

the look lwj gives him just before that was like why are you stopping me?

but wwx knows this isn't something you can push

lwj trusts wwx's judgment and holds back whatever he was going to say

i'm curious as to what he WAS going to tell his brother tho

now lwj is leaving to talk to their uncle and lxc is like, sure i'll take your soulmate back to your room for you

WE'RE GONNA GET SOME BABY!LWJ FLASHBACKS SOON OMG

IT'S GONNA HURT

wwx: since lan zhan isn't here, i wanna ask you about something

lxc: tell me

wwx: what are the whipping scars on lan zhan?

lxc: you don't know?

AND THEIR SONG STARTS PLAYING

wwx: i asked him but he didn't wanna say, so i'm asking you

lxc: yeah, if he doesn't think it's necessary he'll probably never talk about it so i'll tell you instead of respecting my little brother's decisions about his personal life

AND OKAY I'M GLAD HE DID BC IT GIVES US WANGXIAN MOMENTS BUT STILL!! 

lxc: do you remember that one time when wn shot and killed your sister's husband?

on the one hand, HOW COULD HE FORGET but on the other hand, he forgets quite a lot of things actually...

lxc: after wq and the others turned themselves in...*cue flashback*

we're at the burial mounds, lwj is standing by himself before wwx's cave facing down a whole freaking squadron of cultivators

su she: *runs his mouth as if we actually care what he has to say*

lwj: *completely unfazed and expressionless* you are not qualified to speak to me

HELL FUCKING YEAH

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW EPIC THIS MOMENT IS

LOOK AT LWJ OWN THAT ICE PRINCE PERSONA TO STRIKE DOWN AN IMPUDENT ANT OF A PERSON

su she goes to draw his sword AS IF HE HAS ANY REAL CHANCE OF DEFEATING HANGUANG JUN IN A SWORD FIGHT

but jgy shows up with even MORE cultivators and then does that thing where he compliments the person inconveniencing him and takes control of the situation

jgy: oh hanguang jun is so honorable let's not search wwx's secret cave lab right now

BUT THE GREAT THING IS THAT LWJ DOESN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HIS PRESENCE

HE DOESN'T LOOK AT HIM OR SU SHE AT ALL

bc lwj is forever Better Than You.

fuck jgy

jgy: even if wwx is alive, the burial mounds is surrounded so there's no way he could come here without us noticing

he says this to lwj all mildly BUT YOU KNOW IT'S A THREAT

He bows (lwj STILL doesn't acknowledge him and it's GREAT) and walks away

then pauses (bc Drama) and is like oh, almost forgot, your uncle is waiting for you at the cloud recesses. And then he just leaves with all his cultivators

this is when lwj finally looks at jgy (or his back, at least since jgy is leaving)

We cut to the next scene that has lwj slamming the point of bichen in the the stone ground, arm bleeding

HE IS VISIBLY SWEATING AND TREMBLING

lxc: lwj made a mess and fought against everyone there

AND WE SEE LWJ FALL TO HIS KNEE, ONE ARM USING BICHEN AS SUPPORT WHILE THE OTHER RESTS ON THE GROUND

but the fall was gradual and jerky, like he was fighting it the whole way down. 

As if the only reason he fell is bc he's used up every ounce his strength and energy he had in his body

lxc: uncle burst into anger and took him back home, punishing him with 300 lashes and repenting in the cold pond cave for 3 years

we cut to the cloud recesses, camera shot from above making lwj, who is kneeling before his uncle and surrounded by disciples, look small AS ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING ON THE CELLO 

his uncle orders them to start beating lwj

AND LWJ TAKES IT LIKE A CHAMP

he barely moves with each strike and MAN THAT DISCIPLE IS NOT HOLDING BACK

oooh, we see him do that fist clench thing which looks even more painful without bichen to grip tbh

dude lwj is clenching his jaw so hard. 

like, he refuses to cry out in pain and it's gotta hurt bc he's bleeding already

lqr: what is rule 52 of the lan clan?

lwj: do not befriend evil

NO HESITATION. SAID IN A STRONG FIRM VOICE

AS IF HE WASN'T CURRENTLY GETTING BEATEN WITH A NIGHTMARE STICK

and lqr is all you have forgotten the fundamental laws of our clan, how can you have the nerve to face your ancestors like this!!

BUT LWJ IS NOT HAVING THAT

HE'LL TAKE THE BEATING BUT HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIS POINT

lwj: i dare ask you, grandmaster, who is right? who is wrong? what is black? what is white?

Bc our boy has learned! He’s learned NUANCE and CRITICAL THINKING and the existence of GRAY AREAS

BC WTF IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THESE STUPID RULES IF THEY DON'T PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND DEFENSELESS?

Bc his soulmate was right all along and he didn’t stand by him when he needed him most and now his soulmate is gone. His soulmate is gone. He’s GONE.

I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF CRY

lqr: perfect! that's my good student

he does not say this happily. he is in fact SHOUTING this VERY ANGRILY

and here i wanna say, hey lqr, what's that rule about excessive noise...?

cue lwj's fist clench again, which sounds just as painful as the beating tbh

lqr: wangji, you have disappointed me

NOT AS MUCH AS YOU AND YOUR DAMN RULE-BOOK HAVE DISAPPOINTED HIM, YOU JERK

and here we see an ACTUAL VISIBLE SCOWL on our beautiful hanguang jun's face as he continues to be beaten

HOW ANGRY AND TORN UP MUST HE BE TO ACTUALLY SCOWL LIKE THAT??

cut to lwj kneeling at the ice table thing in the cold pond cave, robed in white and face blank but somehow still projecting an aura of cold fury

probably bc the rulebook open in front of him says "eradicate evil, establish laws, and goodness will be everlasting" and he knows that’s bullshit now

but actually this scene is visually very beautiful. 

It’s all in misty shades of pale cold blue and white and everything’s spaced out in a way to emphasize how very very alone lwj is

cut back to the present with wwx and lxc

wwx grips his flute with both hands and looks down like he can't believe what he's hearing

lxc: when lwj was imprisoned i tried to persuade him...but he told me he considered you his confidant soulmate and believed in your integrity

wwx: why would he bother…?

his brow is furrowed and his voice is soft like he truly doesn't seem to understand why lwj would bother to do all that

and on the one hand i wanna scream IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, YOU MORON

but on the other hand, everybody else in wwx's life, everyone else he loved, turned on him or died 

and he probably truly believes he deserved all that, and that he is undeserving of lwj's unwavering faith

and then i cry

lxc: do you know what this place is?

shot of the entrance to the silence room aka the jingshi aka lwj's room

wwx: i don't

lxc: it's where our mother lived

wwx is hanging off his every word

lxc: you might find it strange that the wife of the clan leader didn't live with her husband in the frigid chamber

with a name like that i wouldn't want to live there either...

lxc: you might know that our father used to isolate himself for years, not caring about anything...

Not even his sons, apparently!

wwx: i do

and he explains that his father isolated himself bc of his mother or whatever

lxc: this place was more of a prison than a home

It was his mother’s prison. When did he figure that out? Was it when HE WAS STILL A KID??

DID HE FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH HIS  MOTHER KNOWING SHE WAS LOCKED UP AGAINST HER WILL??

THE LAN FAM IS SO FUCKED UP OMG

now he's telling us the whole tragic love story

it was love at first sight, he says and wwx is like ah yes, a typical romance

and lxc is like, uh no, she didn't love him back and she murdered his teacher, idk why tho

lxc: but i guess it's all about right and wrong, love and hate

Which is a major theme of the whole show, tbh

OH DAMN

now he's telling wwx about how his dad took his mom to cloud recesses and married her against the clan's approval and that he told them that this was the person he would love for a lifetime, that “whoever tried to drive her out would have to go through him first"

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU, WWX?

RINGING ANY (WEDDING) BELLS?

DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING AT ALL, WWX?

"after the wedding my father built this house, and locked my mother up"

lxc says this all so calmly and gently, as if he were reading from a story book rather than reciting his immediate family's history

Which is probably a coping mechanism, tbh

this fam is so fucked up, have i mentioned?

lxc: do you understand why my father did all this?

wwx: *nod*

lxc: and do you think he did the right thing?

wwx: i don't know

well, i mean, he married her and locked her up against her will

granted she did murder someone but i get the feeling she probably had good reason to

and now he's telling wwx that they basically had no parents bc they were given off to others to raise them until they were old enough to attend their uncle's lessons

FLASHBACK TO BABY!LWJ READING TO HIS MAMA FROM A LAN CLAN BOOK

HE'S SO CUTE AND TINY AND HIS MAMA IS SO SOFT AND PRETTY. 

SHE LOOKS AT HIM WITH SUCH LOVE, AND RUNS HER HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR SO GENTLY

lxc makes a point here to say that their mother never complained about her imprisonment or how painful it must've been to be trapped like that

BC THEIR MAMA LOVED THEM

lxc: lwj never said anything, but i knew he looked forward to the day we visited mother every month

HOW AWFUL IS THAT, TO BE RESTRICTED TO ONE DAY A MONTH TO SPEND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE???

Lxc: he did (look forward to seeing mom). and so did i.

cut to baby lwj kneeling in the snow, all little and by himself IN FRONT OF THE JINGSHI, AKA HIS MOM’S PRISON AKA PROBABLY HIS FAVORITE PLACE IN ALL THE CLOUD RECESSES

lxc: one day, uncle told us that we didn't need to go there anymore. mother had gone.

I'M GONNA CRY

HE'S SO LITTLE AND SAD AND HE'S KNEELING SO STILL WITH HIS TINY HANDS IN HIS LAP

like even lqr is moved bc he goes and puts a hand on his shoulder

lxc: we were too young to understand what that meant.

lxc: no matter how others consoled us or how uncle scolded him, lwj still came here every month. he would sit on that porch and wait for someone to open the door.

I'M SOBBING

LWJ HAS SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE WAITING FOR THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

He’s kept himself still and stalwart ever since he was a kid so that if his loved one chose to come back, he’d still be there for them 

I'M HURTING SO MUCH

HE JUST WANTED THEM TO COME BACK AND THINK HE WAS WORTH STAYING FOR. 

GOD I HATE CRYING. I'M A SNOTTY MESS RN

Lxc: when we got older we realized that she would never come back. that no one would ever open the door for him. but he still came.

FUCK

GOD DAMN IT

STOP HURTING ME SO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL

lxc: lwj has always been stubborn since he was very young

lxc: back then, he watched you learn crafty tricks. he didn't say anything, but i knew...that the pain and confusion in his heart was the same as what he felt for our mother

MY GOD, JUST BEAT ME WITH THOSE NIGHTMARE STICKS INSTEAD. THAT WOULD HURT LESS THAN THIS.

wwx's eyes are all red-rimmed and his brow is all pinches and HE JUST SWALLOWED BACK THE LUMP IN HIS THROAT

THE SAME ONE I HAVE RIGHT NOW AS I CRY AND CRY AND CRY

and lxc is like, well, that's enough intense conversation for now, imma do a flute solo

~flute sounds~

and now he's like i tried to persuade lwj before but now that i'm in his shoes it turns out making a decision isn't actually easy to do?? who'd have thought?

oh here comes lwj, all straight-backed and regal as always but no jewelry in his hair! no topknot! he looks so different this way

AND HE HAS TWO JARS OF EMPEROR'S SMILE WITH HIM

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING AGAIN

oh, the way he holds it out to wwx, like an offering at an altar...

cut to inside the jingshi, we get to see him uncap one of the jars and pour a drink out for his soulmate. 

like, the camera is specifically focused on his hands

which, hey, i’ve seen the tags ppl, i know some of you are Into That so take the time to enjoy this

then we get a shot of all of him and he looks so so soft and exposed and vulnerable  here?? with his hair down in his own room, pouring a drink for his wei ying

it's beautiful

wwx walks in and watches as lwj starts to pour himself a cup of tea

THIS IS A LOT. 

~Their Song~ playing sweetly, no other sounds except the quiet clinks of the cups and teapot. And all of lwj’s actions are just...light

wwx: lan zhan…

GOD I JUST WANT TO SCREENCAP THIS WHOLE SCENE

the shot of lwj here, while he’s focused on pouring his tea. 

the way his head is angled and the wisps of his hair frame his face. 

he takes up a good portion of the screen without seeming domineering or forceful, just...peacefully existing in the space

and then we cut back to wwx's face, his mouth open as he takes a breath 

He wants to say something, anything, but you can see on his face that he can't make the words come

Like he doesn’t want to disturb the moment with whatever he was going to say, bc it’s a fragile moment

and then this brief literally-2-seconds shot of lwj to the right, sitting at the table 

the table is set up so beautifully with the jars of emperor's smile and their cups. and he's looking up and the lighting AND AHHHHHH

IT'S JUST A VERY BEAUTIFUL TWO SECONDS AND I'VE STARED AT IT FOR MUCH TOO LONG ALREADY

lwj: what?

and wwx can't even really return his gaze. he looks just as vulnerable here but, unlike lwj, he also looks awkward, like he’s nervous in his vulnerability same ,wwx, same

wwx tries to say thank you but it comes out stuttered and soft while lwj watches him patiently

wwx mumbles to himself "it's awkward to say it out loud" and his eyes flicker back and forth for a second as his mouth pinches, agitated 

BC IT IS MEGA AWKWARD

FEELINGS ARE AWKWARD

AND AS LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS WWX CAN BE, IT'S NEVER ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.

wwx: *clears throat* i mean...the burden on your brother's shoulders is tremendous

smooth transition, wwx, very smooth

but at least it allowed him the chance to sit at the table with lwj

wwx: after all, jgy is his sworn brother. if i were him...

he trails off awkwardly and it feels even MORE awkward bc the background music just ends suddenly and it's silent for us, the audience

lwj doesn't say anything and instead gently moves the cup of wine towards wwx.

once that's done he says "if there's evidence, my brother won't tolerate it."

but he doesn't look at wwx and his face is somber

wwx: that's true. he's got his principles

finally lwj looks at him

lwj: you didn't tell him.

wwx: tell him what?

lwj: about the flute on qiongqi way

wwx: you know about that?

lwj: i asked wen ning. he said he heard a second flute

wwx: i thought i was hearing things until nightless city *insert flashback here*

cut to next scene. wwx is standing just outside the jingshi doors with a jar in his hand as it snows

lwj steps up next to him and ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING

they're still talking about the flute and how wwx is confident now that there was a second one used to frame him basically. he's quietly angry here.

lwj immediately says it was jgy but wwx responds with "maybe, maybe not"

lwj looks at him, "you don't want to know the answer?"

bc lwj does. he wants to know who framed his soulmate, causing the suffering that lead to his death

wwx: at first i really wanted to but now i just want to say, 'whatever. screw it!'

he says with a laugh and then takes a swig from his wine jar

wwx put down that wine jar, you've obviously had too much already.

wwx: lan zhan, i actually think whether i know the answer or not won't be of much importance for me. after all, in ppl's minds, the yiling patriarch did bad things. even if i expressed my grievances, people still won't trust me

and he smiles

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY

He says, "Sometimes the world only needs an excuse or target that everyone can hate"

PAINFULLY TRUE

and then he says something along the lines that it doesn't matter, if he wasn't made the target, someone else would have been

BASICALLY HE'S JUST VERY DISILLUSIONED HERE 

THE WORLD SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED FOR DISAPPOINTING HIM

now we hear the sound of a guqin playing ~Their Song~

lwj at his guqin playing their song to soothe his soulmate

wwx: *voiceover* i was lonely back then. the few who believed in me were dead, wen ning, jyl. Luckily…

and here we get the crescendo of the opening theme as we cut to lwj. 

the voiceover changes from wwx to lwj

lwj: in this world, there is still someone who trust you

I'M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW

voiceover switches back to wwx and we get a shot of wwx watching lwj play

wwx: lan zhan, i toast to you. i'm glad to have one true friend

SO MANY FEELINGS

and then i get distracted as wwx does that thing where he pours wine into his mouth and spills half of it down his VERY INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT

shot of lwj thinking: for nothing else but a clean conscience

shot of wwx thinking: no matter how they slander me, i know i have a clean conscience

EVEN THEIR THOUGHTS ARE IN SYNC OMG

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS STILL PLAYING BUT NOW IT'S THE GUQIN AND THE FLUTE COMING TOGETHER

wwx gazes tenderly at lwj and whispers: lan zhan. i'm sorry...and thank you

AND WE GET THE ACTORS’ VOCALS ADDED IN TO ~THEIR SONG~ AS LWJ LOOKS UP AND SEES WWX WATCHING HIM

AND I'M HAVING SO MANY FEELINGS

I WOULD LIKE TO GET DISTRACTED BY WWX'S INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT AGIAN PLZ

cut to the next day with lxc meditating and our boys hiding behind a privacy screen

lwj is in perfect posture, eyes closed and meditating calmly while wwx keeps listing to the side and jolting awake bc meditating IS FOR NERDS

lol except this time he lists to the opposite side and falls into lwj's shoulder with a cute little gasp

lwj gives him a look and wwx quickly arranges himself into a sloppy lotus pose

jgy walks in and our boys are immediately on alert peeking through the privacy screen 

(which actually isn't all that private. you can see through half of it??)

now we get a moment for lxc and jgy in which jgy returns the jade token and it’s, like, a Thing

BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM

LET'S SEE OUR BOYS' REACTION TO WHAT JGY HAS TO SAY

wwx is watching lwj as jgy says something about how they don't have info on lwj and wwx yet and lwj closes his eyes against the news

i think he's upset he's placed his brother in this position...

now we're informed that there are active puppets in the burial mounds

lxc is like, well it can't be wwx bc he was stabbed

and jgy is like he's been stabbed before and controlled puppets alright then!

meanwhile wwx behind the screen scoffs and thinks "they think too highly of me"

also, like, jgy was trying to get lxc to give them up by saying how lwj would be safe bc of his great reputation

Honestly, it really just goes to show that these people don't actually care about your actions. they've made their assumptions and they'll stick to them no matter what and IT'S SUPER FRUSTRATING

plot talk plot talk sworn trio moment plot talk

now lxc is off to carp tower while our boys prepare for a field trip to the burial mounds

LIL APPLE AND THE BUNNIES!!

our boys are by a stream and there's bunnies all over the place and wwx is telling lil apple they're leaving

~THEIR SONG~ STARTS UP AGAIN

AHHHHHHHHH, LOOOK!!! THERE’S TEENY TINY SMILE ON LWJ'S FACE AS HE PUTS DOWN BICHEN TO PICK UP ONE OF THE BUNNIES

EVERYTHING IS ADORABLE

WWX GETS THAT LITTLE MISCHIEVOUS SMILE ON HIS FACE AS HE GOES TO POKE THE BUNNY

AND HE MAKES SILLY NOISES AT IT AND IS ALL INSULTED THAT THE BUNNY DOESN'T REACT

SO CUTE!!

wwx: see? they only like you *pout* they're only loyal to their owner

so lwj wordlessly hands over the bunny BC IF HIS SOULMATE WANTS BUNNIES, HIS SOULMATE IS GETTING BUNNIES

the bunny wriggles and wwx is like "don't try to run. you can never run away from me. stay here bunny!"

IT'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA DIE

HE'S JUST PETTING THE BUNNY ALL OVER AND USING A PLAYFUL VOICE WHILE TALKING TO IT AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL

Don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny

wwx looks over to lwj: lan zhan, it's so strange. i know we're going on a dangerous mission but i don't feel scared at all

then he goes back to the bunny and wiggles it around SO CUTELY: do you think it's strange too? what do you think?

AND HE'S GOT THE BIGGEST SMILE

lwj: it's getting late. let's go

wwx: okay *pets bunny* little bunny, we're leaving~

THIS SHOW SHOULD ONLY EVER BE ABOUT BUNNIES, I'VE DECIDED

BUNNIES DON'T HURT ME 

now we cut to them at the entrance of the cloud recesses

lil apple is being stubborn and the bunnies are on the steps

wwx: they hate to see you go.

and wwx looks at lwj all playfully

wwx: i never thought that hanguang jun would be so popular among the little animals

and then he finishes with AN ADORABLE LITTLE POUT: bc i'm not

lwj: why not?

wwx: all little animals regardless of their habitat run when they see me. isn't that right lil apple? *proceeds to bully the donkey*

lwj: *walks off bc he does not condone animal abuse or smth*

wwx: wait for me hanguang jun!!

NOW WE'RE ON A DIRT PATH

LWJ IS HOLDING THE LIL APPLE'S LEAD WHILE WWX RIDES LIL APPLE

HE’S PLAYING HIS FLUTE AND THEN STARTS PLAYING ~THEIR SONG~!!!!

AND LWJ LOOKS TOWARDS HIM HIS EYES ALL TENDER AND FULL OF LOVE

WWX IS SMILING WHILE HE PLAYS

EVERYTHING IS STILL WONDERFUL

LWJ HAS ONE OF HIS ALMOST-SMILES ON HIS FACE

wwx: lan zhan, i wanna know, back in the murder turtle cave, what was the name of the song you sang to me?

lwj: why do you ask?

wwx: just tell me the name. i think i've figured out how you recognized me

wwx: tell me what song it is. who's the composer?

lwj: me

wwx: so you composed it?!

lwj: hm

wwx: what's the name then?

THIS IS SUCH A CAREFREE PLEASANT CONVERSATION AND I LOVE IT

lwj: what do you think?

wwx: you're asking my opinion?

he gets this huge smile on his face and giggles

wwx: i think i'll call it...

lwj: i'm thirsty, let's look for water

IT'S RUDE TO INTERRUPT LWJ

they find a random house and wwx proceeds to steal a melon

but they're interrupted so they hide like the CRIMINALS THEY ARE lol

and we see mr & mrs mianmian with little mianmian!!

mr mianmian is all if you run off again the yiling patriarch will eat you!

little mianmian is like I'M NOT SCARED, mama says the yiling patriarch doesn’t bully good people

and that's how mianmian and her husband and daughter get guaranteed invites to their future wedding

we cut to wwx and lwj 

wwx is nodding enthusiastically like THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE, IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT'S ACKNOWLEDGED

ohhhhh really liking how mianmian draws her sword and demands the criminals to show themselves

Lol, she's like WHO'S THERE? and wwx literally answers, UM, NO ONE??

lwj purses his lips like, really?? and comes out of hiding

Mianmian is shocked to find hanguang jun hiding on her property obvs, but is also excited to recognize wwx

wwx: *internally* why does this lady know me?? did she have a problem with me or did i provoke her??

then wwx recognizes her!! he's very excited about it!

and we end the episode on a high note there!!

We get to see the only functional, happy (and alive) marriage in the entire cultivation world!!

And yeah, we got our hearts torn out by kid!lwj but we were rewarded with soft domesticity AND bunnies right after!!!

Overall good quality wangxiantics

Return to Masterpost

[piracytheorist]

Allen & Colin interview (pt.1) summary and tidbits

Because I know y’all are curious ;)

I’m not mentioning everything, because a) it’s in a foreign language for me and I miss stuff, b) I’m not sure what impact it has other than them simply mentioning that stuff in the interview and c) I’m just your average fan with her biases and preferences, some things draw my attention, some don’t. But it was an interesting insight into Colin’s inspirations and work ethic, so I’ll try to mention as much as possible. Also because c’mon it’s Colin and we all want a bit.

If you can and can afford it, I’d suggest supporting Allen on patreon. The work he’s offering is very important, especially in the times we’re currently experiencing.

In the intro, which was recorded after the interview, Allen says: “In this interview, Colin talks about his early life, growing up, having such a wonderful big brother to look up to... Maybe he doesn't say that. You'll have to wait and see.”

There's a lot of laughs in the beginning, as they start getting into the motion of brother interviewing brother. The room they were recording used to be Colin's old bedroom, and Allen asked him where his bed used to be, and almost immediately said "I'm pretty sure the listeners are loving this right now." Hahaha we are.

Colin kept a bit to himself when he was a teenager. He drew a lot and played the guitar, he was introverted when he got into the whole theater thing.

Real artistic, so, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be a musician or an artist, but when he started theater he eventually realized it was theater he wanted above all. Dude. If only we all were so widely talented and had so many opportunities to choose from XD

Honorable detailed mention: Allen mentions how amazed he was by Colin's talent. He remembers one time he was looking after Colin (he said it was about six months after Colin had started learning guitar, and iirc that was when he was 11) and he (Allen) had also recently started, and was trying hard to learn some chords. He heard some Led Zeppelin from Colin's room and was like "Oh he's listening to Led Zeppelin," then he went to his room and he realized it was actually Colin, playing Stairway to Heaven. And he still remembers! What a proud bro, we stan.

Colin learned a lot of music by ear. It was more practical than technical stuff that he worked on. He's very humble about his guitar playing, too.

They talked a bit about playing music with emotion and how sometimes people who concentrate a lot on technique don't use any emotion, and as a musician myself I've seen this a lot, where people focus too much on teaching technique that the result comes off completely emotionless. Though, I mean, I'm trained in classical music, and that's heavily based on building technique, so I can’t say you shouldn’t work on technique, but there are many ways of playing music and so many genres, and there is a healthy balance between technique and emotion, and depending on the style you're playing technique can be applied (or is needed) accordingly.

Colin talked about how he had piano lessons when he was young, and he remembers how the place where he had lessons creeped him out (he laughed at that), so that along with the heavy focus on technique discouraged him, but he wishes he was able to play it.

Don’t we all

He remembers Michael Jackson being one of his first inspirations for music. He remembers Thriller was the first vinyl he got, though the very first music that he bought was a cassette from Huey Lewis and the News - after he had his communion. Gotta say I appreciate the attention to detail XD

Colin: I used to listen to Michael Jackson non-stop. Allen: You did.

I can picture Allen nodding as he said that XD

The first concert he went to was of Jackson's Bad (I think), when he was seven! It was Allen's first concert too.

Their dad used to listen to a lot of Rory Gallagher, Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam and those became Colin's favourite music to play. Especially Rory Gallagher. He and their mom also used to play in bands, and there was a lot of music in the house in general and Colin said all that contributed to his inclination in music.

He said how once he was an adult, Helen was his biggest supporter in what he did. WE STAN. That meant a lot to him, especially when as a starting actor there'd be times he wouldn't have a job for a long time, but the support from Helen and the rest of his family in general meant a lot to him.

Then they talked about people who used to tell him that he was lucky to have the band (The Enemies) as a job, but how that wasn't luck, it was based on work he did for years before he could go out on stage with them. And again, can confirm, there's a lot of work put behind any decent and above musical performance, it can be as hard as any job, especially when you have to pack up and go to a different place, set up, rehearse, perform, pack it all up and come home late. It's just that the crowd sees only the entertainment part it gets, and doesn't know the work behind it, so a lot of time they don't appreciate it as such.

It's just... I feel that, a lot, you know? Yes, music is fun and we love it, but performing it for a crowd ain't no game.

Colin compared that to acting, with how people see the end result as a snapshot of the entire work behind it, same way we don't see a lot of the work behind professions we don't know about - Colin mentioned an electrician, for example.

I think he’d shared this story before or something about it, but he talked about his very first touch with theater; he’d gone to the youth theater to meet with his friends - just to meet them, and they were rehearsing a play but one actor was missing, so they asked him to read in for him that day. At first Colin was like “No way” but eventually they convinced him.

That first experience made him realize he could pretend to be anyone he wanted to be and it gave him a newfound confidence. At the time he wasn't playing the guitar publicly, only in his room, and playing in the theater gave him the confidence he didn't have with the guitar at the time, because in the theater he was putting his character out there, not himself.

I think it's interesting how he talks about acting; he mentioned "putting on a skin". And I think, seeing the variety of characters he has portrayed, and how invested you can feel he is during filming, and then seeing him... "collected" in cons and interviews, and not very active in social media... I think "putting on a skin" fits perfectly the way he does it. And I think it's part of why I love his acting, and why his characters feel so different from each other; it's full-on becoming and feeling like another person, not simply acting like one.

His theater group went to the Olivier Theatre in London (for a competition, if I got that right), and they got a standing ovation for their play, and it was then that Colin thought that he could really invest and make a living out of acting. He was about 15-16 at the time.

Again, standing ovation => confidence goes through the roof, can confirm.

It was there that his group won an award, and it was Colin who received that from Anthony Minghella, the director of The English Patient, and Allen said that Minghella said Colin was amazing. a) bruh can you imagine and b) what a proud brother!

Colin said how he was already interested in animation and special effects, and the whole act of making a movie, so even as an actor he still likes wandering around sets and getting to see how they're all made and built, even sets he's not part of. Again he talked about how much is done behind the scenes that the audience never gets to see.

Even from his experience in the Olivier Theatre, Colin already had the ideology that in drama, it was about the group, the team, and not about himself, and he's followed that to the present. He talked about how acting is just one part of a production, and it takes hard work from many people of different professions working together to get to that.

Like, he's so conscious and so respectful of what is behind the scenes of a production and how important everyone is... and like, I feel that says a lot about the humility we see of him, the way he treats his job as any other job, and the way a lot of his co-workers talk with such respect about him. Like, when you respect everything, from the basis to every little cogwheel that make a film and always take the opportunity to learn anything you can from your co-workers...

I love him so much.

He mentioned how his grandmother was a big influence for him too, back in the fourties she’d gone to London to study producing, so he says subconsciously there was always an influence towards drama in his family.

"You can't complain about having a disillusioned bunch of teenagers or kids causing trouble if you're not willing to invest [in their future], to help them realize [their potential]." He said that as part of how that one evening in the youth theater changed his life, and how having the chance to have a safe space to express himself, that being the theater, played such an important part in his life and the lives of pretty much everyone who had taken part in it. And how things like that, giving children the chance to explore hobbies and things they like, can have such a positive impact on their lives and futures.

So that’s for the first part! I hope it was all clear :D

[unforth]

May Trope Mayhem Fill Day 13: First Kiss

Fandom: Star Wars Eps 7 - 9

Ship: Finn/Poe Dameron

Rating: Gen

Tags: Post canon, fluff with a splash of angstful pining, love confessions, first kiss

Words: 1,987

First time in like a week one of these fills was short enough that I felt it was appropriate to post the whole thing to Tumblr. Also, first time since the event started that I didn’t write either Chinese or Japanese fandom. :D Here, have some Stormpilot.

Xposted to AO3

@duckprintspress​

Rolling onto his side, Finn swung a hand behind himself to catch his balance before he could tumble off the edge of the narrow X Wing nose (was it even called a nose? Finn wasn’t sure, and wasn’t in the mood for the good-natured ribbing he’d sustain if he asked). Poe lay beside him, so close that their sides had been pressed together before Finn moved; he made holding his position look effortless, as effortless as he made flying look, as effortless as he made rebelling look, as effortless as he made smiling look. Lips spread in a relaxed grin, Poe stared up at the night sky over D’Qar, reflected stars sparkling in the depths of his dark eyes. A breeze tousled brown locks over his face and shifted the folds of his loose shirt.

He’s gorgeous.

Am I allowed to think that? I wish I knew. I wish I could ask. And...maybe I can...I wish I knew why I feel like I can’t…

...don’t be an idiot, FN-21-- Finn. I feel I can’t because I’m scared of what’ll happen if I say something I shouldn’t.

I can’t risk losing what we have now.

So - let’s keep things safe, instead.

“What happens now?” Finn asked. Even speaking barely above a whisper, Finn’s voice sounded loud in his ears in the forest night. Insects chirped, branches creaked, leaves rustled, something called low and eerie from the darkness, and Poe’s breathing ebbed and flowed in sof rushes of air. Speaking seemed to shatter something, and Finn wished he hadn’t, but Poe didn’t react as though he’d done anything wrong; he wiggled onto his side, slid an arm under himself, set his elbow on the hard metal of the X Wing and propped his head up on the hand, and directed toward Finn the same easy look that, moments before, had stared up at the sky. One of those gusting exhales brushed over Finn’s face, warm and humid, and stole Finn’s breath away.

“What doesn’t happen now?” Poe replied avidly. “The sky’s the limit, literally. Rey’s got that whole Jedi-Sith fusion plan going on, and the politicians are doing, I dunno, the same crap they always do, and I’m still training folks at the academy...there’s sure enough to keep busy with! I guess the question is - what do you want to happen now? What do you want to do, Finn?”

(read more)

“I want to stay by your side.” The answer, the truth, slipped from Finn before he could stop it. A dash of panic set his heart to racing - what if Poe misunderstood what he meant? What if Poe understood what he meant? - and he continued in a rush, “You know. Rehabilitating the former Storm Troopers. Helping them integrate. Retraining the ones who want it. All that kind of…” Searching for the right words, he raised an arm and waved vaguely at the ait; tiny bugs flitted away as though he movement threatened them; it didn’t - the only threat was to his own precarious perch, and he caught himself with a foot thrown behind himself and a boot stomped hard against the angled side of the ship. “...stuff like that.”

“Awesome stuff like that, yeah.” Poe’s eagerness was spectacular, his implicit support calming. “But honestly? Not exactly what I meant.”

“No?”

Poe shook his head; even that didn’t damage his positioning. Truly, the man was a wonder in everything he did.

But he didn’t answer.

“Something wrong?” Finn asked leadingly, nervously.

“No...and yes,” Poe sighed, slumping onto his back and pressing his palms into his eyes. “Fuck, I’m bad at this.”

“Bad at what?”

“Usually, it’s so easy.”

“What’s easy?”

“I just...go to the person, say how I feel and what I’d like to do, they go, ‘cool, yeah, let’s do that!’ or ‘I’d rather not’ or, at worst, ‘ew, no, get away,’ and that’s that - it’s all good, we do what we do, we don’t do what we don’t do, and life goes on.”

“I literally couldn’t have less idea what you’re talking about.” Finn scowled, disgruntled. He knew that Poe was forward in stating his desires and approaching people he was interested in. That was part of why Finn felt so sure he wasn’t allowed to want - all that confidence had never been directed toward Finn, at least not ‘like that.’ If Poe wanted what Finn wanted, why hadn’t he just said something?

Takes one to know one, Finn - I feel how I feel, and I want what I want, but I haven’t said anything either…

“But you…” Poe directed his speech toward the fathomless sky, not sparing Finn’s interjections a reaction. “...Fuck, I don’t know. What am I even saying?”

“That’s what I’m wondering,” said Finn. “ ‘Cause it almost sounds like you’re suggesting that you’ve got feelings and...doings...that you want to say, except for whatever reason, you’re putting me in a different category than...like...everyone else?”

Please don’t...please tell me I’m just another person…

“Uh, duh?”

...or say that. Oh, that stings.

“Oh,” muttered Finn. Shifting his leg, he let gravity take him and did a controlled tumble down to the runway, landing in a squat.

“Finn?” Poe called after him. Glaring at nothing, Finn rose and stalked toward the barracks.

“Wait up!”

He knew he was being unreasonable.

“Come on, don’t be like that!”

He knew he was being unfair.

“Will you just stop?”

He knew that, if he wanted Poe to talk to him, his current behavior was guaranteed to produce the exact opposite result.

“You don’t understand!”

He knew, knew, that Poe didn’t see him as merely an ex-Stormtrooper, merely a former soldier, merely a murderer who had to learn to assume the facsimile of personhood.

“Aaargh, you’re being impossible!”

He doesn’t see me that way.

“This is exactly why I didn’t know what to say!”

I see me that way.

“I love you!” Poe’s voice, breathless and sincere, shouted out loudly enough in the night that the birds and animals went silent.

Finn froze.

Pounding footsteps raced up behind him and Poe sprinted to his side, overran by several steps, stopped huffing and puffing with his hands on his knees and his breath making foggy clouds in the chill night air before him.

“I know...I know what you’re thinking,” Poe said. “I get what you’re afraid of. And you’re not wrong.” I’m not? “I don’t see you like those people. Because you’re not those people. They could be anyone, but you’re Finn.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” asked Finn acidly. I’m sure it is. He said he loved me. He said...he really said…

“If I cared less, I could talk about it more.”

“...that sounds like something I’ve heard before…”

“Whatever, it’s from some book the General recommended, it doesn’t matter,” said Poe, waving away Finn’s words. “What matters is you. You matter too much for me to risk hurting you. You’re too important for me to take for granted. You’re too special for me to sanguinely accept that if I say the wrong thing, you’ll walk away. And then I said the wrong thing anyway, and you did walk away, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

He looks so earnest, so genuine, so beautiful, that Finn’s heart ached.

“Can I fix it?” Poe implored.

His concerns sound so similar to my own...he comes from a place of experience, and I from a place of inexperience, but the fears are the same.

“Tell me how, and I’ll do it.”

And now I know - there’s nothing for me to be afraid, because he’s told me how he feels, and I know it’s the truth.

“Because I’ve lost everyone - almost everyone - and I can’t lose you too, Finn.”

I’ve told him nothing.

“You won’t,” Finn said; a moment of shame and worry had him looking around, looking down, his toe scuffing the dirt of the path...and then he shook his head, crossed the couple steps separating them, threw his arms around Poe’s shoulders, and pulled him into a rough hug. “You never will.” A helpless noise burst from Poe and then he relaxed into the embrace, putting one arm around Finn’s waist, another around his shoulders, and holding him like he never meant to let go.

“Finn…”

“I love you, Poe,” Finn murmured, shifting his head against the side of Poe’s face, delighting in the tingle of scruff tickling against his cheek, adoring being able to whisper the truth into Poe’s ear. “Seriously.” Poe breathed a word - it might have been yes! but Finn wasn’t sure - and hugged him more tightly. “I really, really, love you.”

“Really, really?” asked Poe, voice rolling with laughter.

“Really, really.”

“Just to be abso-fricken-lutely clear, you don’t mean, like...bro-love?”

“I mean, like, I can’t remember the last time I looked at your face and didn’t imagine kissing you senseless.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s...that’s really, really.”

“Yup.”

“Awesome.” And Poe dropped an arm, leaned back, and hesitated a moment as he gazed at Finn’s face...and he lifted a hand to Finn’s face, ran calloused fingers over his cheek, and then leaned forward and brought their lips together softly, slowly, gently.

Finn had seen a lot of people kiss since he joined the Rebellion.

Finn had been kissed, and kissed others, a whole mess of time - in grief, in celebration, in relief, in greeting. So many cultures kissed casually, he’d learned to do the same.

Finn thought he knew what a kiss was.

Easing into lip-on-lip contact with Poe, Finn realized with crystal-clear, fuzzy-warm clarity, he had no idea what a kiss was.

And he was really, really looking forward to finding out.

He and Poe would have to experiment a great deal until Finn understood, profoundly, how all those other kisses were different from exchanging tender intimacies with the man he’s loved and wanted since roughly 10 Standard Minutes after they met.

Too soon, the kiss ended. There was a soft mwap as they drew apart. Finn’s lips tingled pleasantly, warmth suffusing his chest; flicking out his tongue, he moistened the skin and delighted at the flavor of Poe in his mouth.

He opened his eyes.

Poe was staring avidly at his mouth.

“That good, Finn?” he asked, voice low and throaty.

“You tell me,” Finn replied.

“How about we both work on the sharing-and-caring?”

“It was fantastic, Poe.”

“Right?! It really was!”

“Really, really!”

“Super really, really!”

“Ultra really, really.”

“Mega really, really.”

“Ice-cream-with-a-cherry-on-top really, really.”

“Where did you even learn that?” laughed Poe. “Ginormously re--”

“Question.”

“Anything, Finn.”

“Why are we talking about it when we could be doing it again?”

“...valid. Really valid.”

“Really, really valid?”

Snorting, Poe smacked a quick kiss on his lips again - Finn chased him futilely as he leaned away - and broke their embrace to take Finn’s hand.

“My bunk or yours?”

“My bunk is literally a bunk,” replied Finn.

“And mine isn’t?”

“Yeah, but yours is in a room, with a door, and no bunkmates.”

“...they haven’t given you your own room?!”

“How do you not know that?”

“You literally saved the galaxy.”

“We all literally saved the galaxy.”

“I...you...fucking damn, okay, tomorrow, we’re going to fix that.”

“And right now?”

“Right now...my bunk. Definitely my bunk. Right, Finn?”

“Really, really right, Poe.”

“Stop that,” groaned Poe, laughing again.

“Never,” promised Finn with a grin, and delighted in the matching grin he got back.

“That’s right. Never. Never stop.”

“I really, really won’t.”

“Fuck, do I love you…”

And, beaming, beyond happy, Finn allowed himself to be drawn to Poe’s room.

Had he truly been so worried about how things would go if he spoke his heart?

Now, he was really, really not worried.

And he knew - he was in for a really, really, excellent night…

...and he’d never have to really, really, worry about Poe’s heart again.

Really, really.

[imaginetings]

We found a way - Vikkstar Imagine

Y/N - Your Name

Word Count - 761

Warnings - The usual swearing

Requested? - Yes,  hello!!! can i pls have a fluffy vikk imagine where he thinks she’s out of his league and y/n tells him how much she loves him? thank you and i love your writing!! xo

Notes - Thanks for the request, same as my previous upload but these are the last ones I will be doing of YouTubers. :)

*not my gif*

I’d been friends with Ethan for years, I saw him grow both as a YouTube personality and a person, looking back on that journey was just astonishing. When he invited me to hang out with him and his new friends that he makes videos with, that was when worlds collided, and I made new friends and along the way, I found my person. Let’s go back to the beginning.

I didn’t meet the guys until 2015 and that was when we went to Thorpe Park and it was when I was off university for a week since it was a half term so we had planned to hang out and that was when I also met his friends “the sidemen” I had seen them because I support Ethan and what he does so I watch his videos. Plus, when I feel homesick and he is busy I can watch one of his things, because he’s my best friend and has been for years.

Waiting for the guys felt like an eternity because I am pretty sure they set off late so I am currently waiting in the actual park for them and I am just stood off to the side of the path waiting for them and I check my phone and go through my Instagram feed only to be picked up from behind which causes me to scream slightly before I am put down. I turn around and see the grinning face of Ethan Payne. “Hello asshole,” I say with a grin on my face and hug him which he returns instantly.

“Have you gotten smaller Y/N?” Ethan questions and I shove him slightly.

“Fuck off, I think you’re simply standing on your ego and that’s why it seems like that,” I retort which gets a laugh out of the guys. “Oh, sorry. Hi, I’m Y/N and I’ve been best mates with Ethan for a long time and it's great to finally meet you guys!” I introduce myself to the guys with fake confidence. What was it that was said in the magazines? Fake it till you make it right?

That day was probably one of the best of my life because of the guys and I kept in contact and that was also how I met Freya, Josh’s girlfriend and we hit it off as well. They all became my family essentially and it was the day of my graduation that my immediate family were there but afterwards I celebrated with everyone.

The party was in full swing and I was in a simple cocktail dress that I wore underneath my cap and gown. Due to the atmosphere, I found myself becoming very warm so I go to get some air outside so I can cool down before rejoining the party. Just as I am about to step outside, I hear two voices talking, just as I am about to go back inside because privacy I hear my name mentioned and I instantly freeze.

“Look, Ethan, she is amazing and so what if I have fallen for her? She’s out of my league, there’s no point in even going there because it wouldn’t happen.” A voice explains. Who is that? Vik?

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Vik like she is one of my best friends and I know her. She likes you, bro,” Ethan rebukes him and just as Vik is going to reply, I decided to reveal myself.

“He’s not wrong you know Vik. I’ve liked you for a while but always thought you weren’t interested.” I confess with a meek smile. Ethan lets out one of his infectious laughs and then leaves us.

“So then.” Vik starts, but I cut him off by inching closer and closer and he gets the message and meets me halfway. Smiling into the kiss, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he puts his hands on my waist.

“God, I think I love you,” Vik utters and I just giggle.

“Well, I think there is a party waiting for us and I think this story will be told another day,” I say and drag him inside with me on his arm I felt like I was flying.

--

“And flying I was, I wouldn’t take any moments back because that wouldn’t mean I would be here with you right now. So, Vik. I love you.” I say with a grin to rival that of a Chelsea smile.

“You may now kiss the bride,” the officiator says, and I’m pulled in by my husband.

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too Vik.”

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #8 - Belch Huggins

Request: I’m really tiny like REALLY. I’m 5’ feet (or 154cm I don’t know if the inches are correct). I’m redhead but not a true one because I dye them. I wear a lot of bands shirts or horror movies ones, and a lot of high waist skirts or dresses with belt and chains and a black hat all the time. My shoes are platforms from the new rock brand and sometimes I wear Santiag but it’s really rare. I always have a leather chocker around my neck with spikes on it. Peoples call me dog because of that but I don’t care because I feel good with it. I wear A TON of makeup (only because I love makeup so fucking much), and that’s usually black lipstick with red eyeshadow and eyeliner that’s all. I also have tattoos on my right tight and on my left arm. I literally can’t live without music and my favs bands are Aerosmith, Guns N’ Roses and Slash. That’s so basic I know, but I love them and I always want to dance and sing when I listen to their song, because they makes me feel so happy. I also love witchcraft and paranormal. I do believe so much in magic and ghosts and I love to walk around old abandonned places and talk about ghosts, aliens, demons ect, because for me it’s so fascinating and interesting. I’ve already played Ouija and it worked and I freaked out but loved it. Peoples think I’m a witch actually but I’m ok with that. I love watching horror movies so much, but I hate blood and gore, wich is pretty contradictory I know. I’m also scared easy even if I love all theses witchy/paranormal stuffs. Last thing is : I’m getting angry REALLY (too much) fast, and that’s a big problem because I have so many issues because of this. I do cry so much too because anger makes me cry and shake but I do love cuddles so much (not all the time but that feel good sometime to have someone who can give you hugs, that warm your heart). I do a lot of sex jokes too and my friends hates me for that but hey, it’s funny.

All the guys were attracted to you at some point, because they’re each turned on by different aspects of your style (Henry by your makeup, Patrick by your red hair, and Victor by your skirts/dresses)

But Belch (who knew he had to have you the second he saw just one of your epic band t-shirts) wound up coming out on top, because he’s the only member of The Bowers Gang with a proper respect for the greats

The greats being Axl Rose, Saul Hudson, and Steven Tyler 

All the other guys might pretend to be metal-heads (because bad boy aesthetic), but Belch is the only one who legitimately deserves the title

Seriously - he’s never more confident than he is when he’s talking about his music obsessions (i.e. rock, metal, and the development of those genres), and you’re one of the very few people in the world who ever gets to see him like that

Belch dominates the floor talking-wise, and his entire body language changes; for just a few minutes, he seems to lose all pretense of being meek or uncertain 

Aka: You get to meet confident Belch who knows what he’s talking about, and that’s a friggin’ miracle 

You guys have insanely long, thorough debates as to which current bands should be considered “real” rock bands 

These talks can last for hours at a time (because you’re both just passionate like that), and tend to take place around Belch’s kitchen bar 

The two of you just sit on your stools (next to each other, like the adorable humans you are) and crack open beer after beer, completely losing track of time listening to each other’s rants 

Usually neither of you notice how long you’ve been talking until the sun starts to set through the kitchen window - you’re just that into what one another is saying 

Belch shows you his vinyl collection (over 500 records, all alphabetized) 

This is great because 1.) that collection is Huggins’ pride and joy, which means you’re definitely his person if he wanted you to see it, and 2.) because everything sounds better on vinyl, and you never knew it until he showed you 

You come over to Belch’s place almost every day after initially finding this out, because you need that ear-sex feeling of the music pulsing all around you (*Steven Tyler’s voice pulsing all around you* - definitely a mood)

... And Belch honestly loves it, because watching you dance around his bedroom is literally the highlight of his life 

It was hard to get him to dance along with you the first few times you asked (he would just do a few awkward, timid movements before laughing and sitting down) but he now does it with you almost all the time

And when Huggins dances... he dances hard

We’re talking the robot, the sprinkler, everything 

... Which you’ve explained to him are not moves that should be done when listening to death-metal, but he just keeps saying he “knows you love it,” and persists in doing those moves

... You do kind of love it, though 

What can I say? You’ve led the man to his free spirit (and the world thanks you for doing so)

Belch also takes you to some well-known sites around town that are famous for tragedy (The Black Spot, the Ironworks Factory, etc.) so you can do paranormal investigations there

He actually almost took you to the Neibolt house once on Patrick’s suggestion, but decided to back out at the last minute because it was a Hockstetter idea

... Yeah, even Belch knows better than to trust Patrick with his physical well-being

Typically all the guys tag along for these paranormal activity trips though, because even though Belch wants to look tough for his girl, he doesn’t like the idea of scrapping with ghosties by himself 

... It’s truly a hilarious sight to see

Ghost-hunting missions typically entail you and Patrick being at the front of the pack (you trying to “make contact” as Patrick actively fucks with your process) while the rest of the guys trail lazily behind you 

Henry complains at least once every 3 minutes (”my fuckin’ legs hurt”/”why are we still out here” x10), Victor looks quietly at the scenery, and Belch just tries to look brave (but can’t hide how hard he’s listening to whether or not anything responds to your prompts - he’s silently praying nothing does)

Sometimes things do come through though, and it changes the atmosphere for everybody

... that is, everybody except for Patrick (who would refuse to believe in the occult even if he was levitated by Casper)

All arguing/off-handed banter comes to a stop, and the guys act way more on edge for the rest of the night

Typically involves a lot of mildly nervous looks around on Victor’s part, and flinching in response to loud noises on Henry’s - Belch is a combination of both

After close encounters like these, you all tend to walk back to the car in a much tighter group than before

Henry and Victor press in on the sides, and no one says a word

... Except for Patrick, who makes joke after joke about how big of pussies you all are, and challenges all demons in the near vicinity to fight him 

He’s never been fought, but it sends you all into a frenzy of “shut up!” every time

All the guys love that they don’t have to change their regular movie aesthetic for you

Literally everything they ever watch is some type of horror, so you’ve never been more well-suited to a group of people  

They don’t sit down and really watch things together very often, but they usually have a horror movie and/or violent TV show on to serve as background noise for their conversations (”Tales from the Crypt,” ”Friday the 13th” re-runs, etc.)

Regardless of whether or not you’re with the guys though, Belch always covers your eyes when he knows the next scene of the movie that you’re watching is about to be especially gory

...Seriously.

The dude physically covers your eyes.

He even flung himself across a room once (in front of the gang and everything) just to child-proof your vision before you could see the fish hook scene in “Hellraiser”

Mostly because he knows you don’t like gore, and he tends to remember when it’s about to happen at the very last second - it’s all our teddy bear can think to do to save your innocence

Now, bro - it’s totally fine that you have a temper

I can’t imagine where that would be less of a problem 

Even though Belch tries hard to keep you feeling calm and collected (because he just cares about your inner peace), he’s low-key enthralled by the way you look when you’re angry

... And all the other guys just find it entertaining as hell, because they’ve never met a 5-foot powerhouse such as yourself

You get into arguments often, though.

...Often. 

So often, in fact, that the guys eventually stopped letting you finish.

They tend to let you go back and forth with people you’re arguing with for a while, but if it becomes obvious that you’re not really going to fight the person, they eventually decide to move on with their day...

... at which point either Henry or Patrick will pull you away by your choker.

... Yes, by your choker. Like you’re a little dog. 

Patrick did it first (”Come on, killer! We’ll find you some other crotch to bite later.” *Annoyingly satisfied Hockstetter cackle*), and Henry just followed suit afterwards.

It’s a thing now; you’ll have to accept that. 

Belch gives you the best cuddles that have ever been cuddled 

Seriously - because of your size, you can curl up on his gargantuan male body like a cat 

Pick any cuddle position - you guys can cuddle it better than hibernating bear cubs 

And you’re high-key cuter to watch, too, because your love for one another just rolls off of you both in waves 

Just so wholesome, and so very adorable

Overall, you fit into the group well, and cultivate a refreshingly genuine connection with Belch

He gets to be who he really is with you, and that means more to him than anything 

[jawnjendes]

tell me that i’m not crazy | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

masterlist | series playlist

It's a psychological fact that you have multiple versions of yourself that you present at different times. You are not the same person in everyone's eyes.

Being self-aware and moderately narcissistic, I detected a few of those selves. Girlfriend Me: Still reserved, but letting loose. Affectionate and supportive. Less bitchy than normal. Adored by Shawn Mendes for some reason. Extended Family Me: Quiet and moody. She wants to be anywhere but here. Constantly pestered to bring someone home. Customer Service Me: Professional, but shy. Blunt and efficient. Always smiling even though she wants to die. Finally, Crazy Me: Nervous and insecure. Bursting at the seams. Wanting to talk but fears being ridiculed and rejected.

You could understand why I didn't want to tell Shawn about Luca being my coworker. He didn't ask if I still saw Luca at all, because I had told him I cut the bastard off… on a personal level. Professionally, I saw Luca 3 times a week. We work at the same car dealership. That's how we met.

It was less stressful having to see Luca at work now that I wasn't hung up on him. As long as he called me a bitch and ridiculed me constantly, I was okay. As long as I had Shawn to be kind to me, everything was fine.

It was easy for me to sit behind a desk at the window of a tiny office. I worked with three other people in this office: Stacy, the business manager who never stayed past 2 o'clock. Then there was Jason, the salesman who was always stoned. Finally, there was Luca, the other salesman who got up in everyone's business. He and Jason were very good friends outside of work, and they sat at their respective desks at the back of the office when they weren't out in the showroom entertaining customers. I was stationed at the front, being the receptionist. It was easy keeping my back to everyone else.

Being at a car dealership, I had quite a few boring responsibilities. They were all easy, and done quickly. so the only thing I had to worry about was answering the phone every so often. Most of the time, I was catching up on coursework and pretending not to listen to Jason and Luca banter.

“Imagine having a car in the twentieth century,” Jason sarcastically droned on.

“Couldn't be me,” Luca finished.

Yes, 90% of their conversations went like that. You could say my sense of humor warped a little because of them. I mean, I still find offensive jokes to be far from funny, and that was the other ten percent. I lose my one brain cell just by sitting in this office.

The phone rang just after Jason and Luca started talking about women in a vulgar manner. I quickly got annoyed by the amount of testosterone increasing in the room, so I was glad to have a distraction. I picked up the receiver and said the usual professional greeting in the cheeriest tone I could muster.

“So that's your happy voice, eh?”

Just like that, I unclenched and dropped the fake tone. “Hey, you.”

“No, no,” Shawn said, “go back to the other voice. I'm a loyal, paying customer here!”

I giggled. “Maybe later. What's up?”

“Wanted to see if you're hungry. I can pick you up on your lunch break.”

“Yes, please. I need to get out of here for a bit. I'll be ready in about an hour.”

“Perfect, I'll see you then.”

We hung up, and my cheeks were burning. I didn't realize I was beaming until I turned in my seat.

Luca and Jason had walked up next to me, clearly interested in what I had been doing. Luca had a shit eating grin on his face.

“Who was that?” he asked in the most ten-year-old sounding voice.

“Don't worry about it,” I snapped.

“Someone's got a boyfriend!”

“But bro,” Jason piped up, “she doesn't like anybody.”

I chuckled. “True. But my guy likes me, so…”

“Who is he?” Luca asked, sitting in the chair next to me. “Since when did you get a mans?”

I gave him a pointed look. “Why do you care?”

“You're just not the relationship type, y’know?” Jason answered.

“D’you loooove him?” Luca teased.

I scoffed. “Oh, now you wanna talk about my feelings? You never did before!”

Luca’s grin faltered. His face flushed.

“What does that mean?” Jason asked.

“Nothing. She's kidding.”

Oh yeah. No one ever knew about mine and Luca's office fling. It took me a while to realize it was because he was embarrassed of me. I know, what the hell was I thinking, getting involved with someone like that?

~

A typical Friday night for me consisted of skincare and watching whatever TV show I was intensely fixated on. Whether or not Shawn joined me, it was my personal recharging time. My life has gotten so mundanely stressful that I looked forward to sitting on my dorm room couch alone.

Tonight was different. Shawn was going to sing at a bar downtown, and I promised him I would go. I managed to string along my roommate, Stella, so I wouldn't be sitting at a table by myself. She was the one who brought me to Shawn's show long before he and I started dating. Stella now takes full responsibility for getting my introverted ass into a relationship.

Shawn had to get to the bar early to set up, so I showed up with Stella on my arm. We grabbed a table near the back window, away from where the band was setting up. As soon as we were sitting down, I texted Shawn to let him know I had arrived.

“So he's gotten you outta the dorm,” Stella commented, “yet you still manage to place yourself in the corner of the room.”

I shrugged. “As long as he knows I'm here.”

Stella hummed and then flagged down a waiter. She ordered a cocktail, and I stuck with water.

“Are you ever gonna let loose again?” she asked me once the waiter had gone.

“As long as I'm on antidepressants, I'm always loose,” I told her. I was very cautious about mixing alcohol with whatever pills I was putting into my body. I hadn't had a drink in months.

“Does your mans know you take antidepressants?”

“He will.” Maybe. Probably… not.

Shawn performed a few minutes later. He was insanely good at working the crowd. Then again, there were some enthusiastic fangirls standing directly in front of the stage that got everyone else into it. Can't say I blame ‘em.

I was what you call a “metal head” and also a “nerd.” I was also a “supportive goth gf,” meaning I always listened to Shawn's music when he wasn't around. I told him I lived for the slow, sad songs, especially Mercy. Secretly, I fully bopped to all of his fun, upbeat songs. Even more secretly, it brought me immense joy to see Shawn sing his heart out on stage. I was his biggest fan, though I would never tell him that. It would just go straight to his ego.

The song I loved hearing the most was Mercy. It was the first of Shawn's songs I had ever heard. It resonated with me deeply a few months ago, just after I had left Luca. I got very choked up hearing Shawn sing it in that little coffee shop. Later, when Stella introduced me, he said he had seen my face in the crowd. He knew it hit home.

We are very happy now, I swear.

I can say with confidence that the past is behind me. Now, Mercy is my favorite song because of Shawn, not the guy that came before him. I never realized how unhappy I was until I wasn't anymore. Therapy, medication, and new people made their contributions.

~

“You look so happy when you're up there,” I told Shawn once we were back at his place.

He had been beaming since we left the bar. A couple of drinks may have had something to do with that. “I am happy. I get so giddy every time I get to sing. I wish I could do it all the time.”

We sat on the couch, basking in the silence. Shawn slung his arm around me, euphoria still radiating off his whole body. I looked up at him, and I couldn't help but hug him around his middle. I felt a bit mushy.

“Proud'a you,” I told him.

Once I was in that position, Shawn took full advantage and lied us back across the couch. I was somewhat awkwardly on top of him, so I shifted my legs so I was practically straddling him. Then, I lied my head on his chest.

“Did you have fun? I saw you all the way in the back,” Shawn said.

“Yeah, I had fun. I love that you kept Mercy in the set.”

“I know it’s your favorite.”

There were things I wanted to know about that particular song when I first heard it. Of course, I didn’t want to seem nosy or interested when I first met Shawn. But now we were out in the open, and it was getting easier to do things like talk normally.

“Who hurt you so bad you had to write a song?” I asked as I sat up, still on top of him.

Shawn was smiling up at me, very aware of the position we were in. However, he still answered my question. “Actually… Mercy was about a friend of mine. He went through that.”

That was brand new information. No, seriously. I actually had to get off of Shawn’s lap to process this. “You write other people’s stories?”

He sat up and made space for me to sit next to him again. “Sometimes. This one in particular was about my friend having a complicated relationship with a girl he works with.”

I chuckled. “I know that feeling all too well.” Then, as a joke, “That guy wouldn’t happen to work at a car dealership, would he?”

“He does, actually.”

My entire body shifted away from Shawn. Okay, this was getting weird. I work at a car dealership. I had a complicated relationship with a coworker. Not to mention, Shawn was quite popular and knew people all over the area, and he was a regular at my dealership. My favorite song was slipping through my fingers.

Shawn didn’t seem too concerned. “It’s probably a coincidence, babe.”

“What’s his name, then?” I had told him quite a bit about my past relationship, apart from the guy’s name. I had so many questions.

“Luca…”

I stared at my boyfriend in utter shock, while he had a look of disbelief on his face.

“No. No way. I wrote Mercy over a year ago. Plus, he was high when he was telling me about-”

“He’s always high!” I snapped. “The only time he isn’t is when his pen runs out of whatever-the-fuck!”

I couldn’t believe it. My current boyfriend knows my ex… flame. My ex flame talked about me to my current boyfriend, before he was my boyfriend. The song that came out of it was my favorite song. If that wasn’t the most fucked up fanfic scenario ever-

Oh god. What if they had seen each other when Shawn picked me up from the dealership? What would have happened? What kind of shit would Luca had given me? What would Shawn have said to him?

“When exactly did this happen?” I asked, mildly frantic. “How long have you known him? How long have you known about me?”

“I didn’t know it was you,” Shawn said. “He always called you ‘the girl from work,’ and some other things that upset me now that you’re my girlfriend. I met Luca in one of my classes last year. Sometimes we smoked together, but I never considered him an actual friend.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “If I had known you then, and if I knew what was really going on, I wouldn’t have…”

Here I thought Luca was far too embarrassed of me to even act like I exist. I had been under the impression that he never thought of me when we weren’t in the backseat of my car. I thought all of his friends were just as bad as he was… but he knows Shawn well enough to confide in him? Or rather, Luca told Shawn I gave him such a hard time that he had to beg for mercy?

“I know you spent a lot of time being pissed at him,” Shawn told me after a while, “but he really did have feelings for you.”

I let the words sink in for a minute. “That… That is the fattest fucking load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, I never thought of Luca as that type of guy. He’s pretty reserved, but-”

“Still a grade A asshole. He was way different when it was me and him. Sometimes he was nice to me. Most times, he acted like I didn’t exist, and if he did, he called me a bitch or a whore or he made some rude comment about anything I was doing. He thought I was insane for trying to call him my boyfriend, but he would beg to get into my pants every few weeks. I was too emotional, too cringey, too goth, not sexy enough. I was never enough for him, so don’t tell me he ever had feelings because that’s not what I saw.”

Shawn had a sad look in his eyes. He nodded lightly.

“And worst of all, he ruined my favorite song by my favorite person.”

“I’ll write you a new one. A better one. You’ll never have to hear Mercy again.”